Dear Right Nipple,
Heal dam you heal! I know Omble has been using you like a doggy chew toy for the last 8weeks. I know you are deeply cracked and bleeding and hanging off by a thread, but you know I got Omble’s tongue tie snipped just for you and I know you are trying to heal and I know the scarily terrifying torture device breastpump isn’t helping you either.
But please consider I got a weeks worth of fluconazole for you when we thought you had ductal thrush, I have been rubbing in lasinoh/kamillosan/daktarin like it’s lube at a swingers party and seriously now is the time to stop hurting your owner and let her get on with the job of feeding Omble Curd. Oh and tomorrow Omble’s tongue tie is being reassessed so maybe if they can improve it further she won’t click on you like she is being an offensive teenager complaining about anything and everything.
So um yeah- just heal. Please.
Lots of love and kisses.