Dear Time

Dear Time,

Time heals,
Time ticks on,
Never waste a moment
Seize the day
Time expands
Time contracts,
Baby is born
Father dies
Toddler turns 2
Life goes on
Tick tock
Daughter avoids grief
Life goes on
Baby turns one
Anniversary of fathers death.
Tomorrow about 9.30am ish
Time to pause
Time to grieve
Toddler will turn 3 next week
Life goes on.
Time goes on.
Tick tock.

Dear Voices

Dear Voices,

Tonight we were sat all together at the dinner table, me, my husband, our two children, my mother and my brother who is schizophrenic and has heard voices in his head for the last ten years.

During the meal Oddler (my 2.8year old) was pretending to chat on the phone (the palm of her hand) and was talking to her car apparently. He was big and plastic and had had a nice day. She made us all smile.

It suddenly struck me- no one thinks twice about the voices in our childrens heads- we celebrate them, we are amused by them, there is nothing in them to fear (even if the child themselves may sometimes be scared by certain voices eg. “The monster threatening to eat them”). We know that these voices are “normal”, and if anything they indicate our child is imaginative, quirky, creative and other positive qualities.

So how does it shift into this perception of fear and stigmatisation of adults having voices? What is normal in children is abnormal in adults. I understand the rationale why but the stigmatisation that is associated because of this can be hard to bear.

I don’t really remember my brothers childhood voices, and he never really speaks about his adult voices so I have no real idea about what his life is like living with these voices day in day out. What I do know is for him this is his reality, his normality, and I have decided I am no longer going to fear these voices or think badly of him for having them.

If I am not fearful of my daughters voices, I owe it to my adult brother to think the same.

My brother hears voices and he is imaginative, quirky, creative, intelligent and kind and many other positive qualities.

So thank you to my own voice in my head for helping me come to this realisation.

LadyPonderingCurd

Dear Slatterns

Dear Slatterns,

This morning Oddler came into my room muttering something about doing a green wee.  I was unconcerned after all her potty is green, but I asked her if she had done a green wee.  She said “No!” in an offended tone, and then, as if I was daring to deny the truth, said – “Mummy has done a green wee”.

I was confused until I realised….

… actually Mummy had “cleaned” the toilet sticking in one of toilet tabs that get rid of the limescale before she went to bed that also turn the water blue.  Mummy and Daddy had used loo during night and not flushed so as not to wake the kids, and obviously yellow + blue = green.

So today I discovered slatternly cleaning of the loo can have unexpected comedy value and be a wonderful source of mirth at 6am when reluctantly awake thanks to having small kids.

Yawn but hehe.

What other comedy moments have befallen you as a Slattern?

Love

LadySlattern&ProudButNowWithACleanLooNowShe’sFlushedItCurd

Dear Quick Witted Parents of Toddlers, Some advice please.

Dear Quick Witted Parents of Toddlers,

I need some advice. This morning I asked Oddler to pick up her shoes and put them in the shoe rack. This is what happened:

Me: “Pick up your shoes and put them in the rack, please Oddler”

Oddler: “NO”

Me: “I’m going to count to five and if you don’t put them in the shoe rack then I will put them in the bin.”

Oddler: “NO, MY PUTEM IN DA BIN, MY DO IT, MY DO IT” (Cue tantrum as she wanted to put her shoes in bin, not me)

Me: “Arsebiscuits” Outwitted by the toddler again.

To those parents cleverer than me, how do you stop yourself parenting into a corner?

Lots of Love

LadyDidn’tSeeThatOneComingCurd

Dear Noreen the Nit

Dear Noreen The Nit,

Or Pediculus Humanus Capitis to give you your rightful name (but I prefer Noreen), you are currently infesting my hair, I don’t blame you, my hair is lovely and so is my toddlers. I know how you love children’s hair especially, and with her being at nursery we are obviously your perfect hostesses. I had been pondering if you had taken up residence for a few days and bought a nit comb and treatment yesterday but combing my hair and Oddler’s yesterday yielded nothing.

You are clever squatters, good at hiding but causing itchy harm and whilst idly combing my hair, waiting for the kettle to boil, I struck lucky.

This is my nit. Noreen the Nit.

I’m sorry I have just forcibly evicted you from my head and shortly I will be carrying out chemical warfare against your race to destroy your civilisation in my families hair. I’m kind of sorry I have to do this (apart from the fact you are itchy and annoying parasites), you see I studied you in great detail at university and I think you are awesome creatures, evolving so your claw and opposable “thumb” are the exact diameter of a human hair (and likewise your close relatives Pediculus Humanus Humanus (Body Louse), and very distantly related Pthithuris Pubis (Pubic Louse) have their pincing structures to be specific to their hair type. (although pubic lice can also live in eyelashes apparently but obviously I have no idea how they get there as they can’t jump. )

Anyhow I am not embarrassed in the slightest to have you. It doesn’t make me a dirty unclean person, I’m just a human in contact with kids. Soon you will be gone and stop feasting on my scalp and all will be fine. Last time I had you I had you for three months before finding you. This was pre kids doing an incredibly stressful university course, the doctor was first saying it was eczema, then dandruff, then stress itch, until finally when I had rashy bites going all down my neck in my long hair we discovered the nits! I had got them from spending a week with some primary kids, but hadn’t thought about the kid contact so we just assumed it wouldn’t be nits and couldn’t ever find any evidence of them, until the an eagle eyed locum doctor found them on my third visit because the scalp itch was driving me mad and the shampoos and creams I had been prescribed were not working- funny that with them not being nit lotion and all.

So yeah I am rather flattered you love my hair so much and are so incredibly good at hiding in it. I know you prefer clean hair to dirty as its easier to move about in, but soon you and your family must die. Currently you are still pootling about on the envelope I took the picture of you on and I am kind of loathe to properly squish you, I know you will die soon enough anyway without a human host, so maybe you, but only you, will get saved from the nit napalm. You get this reprieve as I suppose you sort of did me a favour by being the only nit I have ever known to be feckless enough to be found and thus alerting me to you families invasion of my families hair.

So thank you. I owe you one, in fact I’m almost tempted to pop you in the envelope and sneak you onto the head of someone I can’t stand so you can carry on surviving as you have done for millions of years.

Love

LadyNitWittedCurd

P.S if anyone gets itchy reading this, look behind you to check for me with my envelope

Dear Oddler re. Asthma

Dear Oddler,

When I was about 4 years old we stayed in a friends house on holiday. They had a cat. The cat slept on my chest for a few nights and one morning I woke up unable to breathe properly. I tried to call my mum and dad, but they just snarled at me “it’s 5am go back to sleep”, I kept trying but they kept shouting at me to shut up, and because I couldn’t really breathe, I couldn’t really shout, so I was just making lots of wails and grunts. Eventually I knew I had to go and get them because I was really struggling. I don’t know how long I was calling them but to four year old me it felt like an eternity. The room they were sleeping in was up a steep flight of stairs, I remember standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up and thinking I would never make it to the top, but I knew I had to. I had to get my mum and dad to understand I couldn’t breathe, they were the only people who could help me. When I finally reached the top my dad took one look at me and they whisked me to A&E where I was nebulised. It was my first asthma attack and I was on ventolin as needed from then on. A few more hospitalisations due to asthma occured after then. I know how much guilt my parents felt from that episode and I vividly remember how utterly terrified I was that my mum and dad weren’t coming to make things better and I couldn’t breathe.

When you were 10months you had got croup and I went back to the doctors four times until they decided to admit you. I knew you weren’t right and it was serious. I remembered how I felt the morning of my first asthma attack, I vowed I would never put you in the same situation and that I would always check on you if you called me (Admittedly I haven’t always stuck to it as sometimes you are playing up at bedtime and so you get ignored a bit if you are clearly playing up but but I do check on you once asleep and not if ill.). Last night you were not sleeping well and wailing lots, as was your sister who had a milder cough. I was on my knees with tiredness as you kept waking each other up but I kept going in to check on you and at 3am I decided you breathing was sufficiently serious to warrant medical attention. LordCurd slightly disagreed so we tried sitting with you for ten minutes in the bathroom with a shower going to see if the steam helped first (you weren’t going blue but you were fighting to breathe). As there was no improvement I insisted on taking you to A&E (your dad never had childhood asthma so doesn’t know what it is like, but I was vividly remembering 4year old me and how scary it was, I didn’t want you to ever feel like I felt, that your parents weren’t taking your breathing difficulties seriously).

I took you up there, you were lethargic and grumpy, you were very weak and exhausted (it was 3am and you hadn’t really slept), you were initially very reluctant to try the salbutamol in a spacer but within 3puffs your chest eased and by the 10th puff you had already started to cheer up. It was literally a miracle transformation. You then started demanding I read you stories and you wanted your shoes and a drink. They gave you some steroids in a syringe and cup which one doctor was betting we would never get down you as it was vile and bitter, but you gulped it down happily without even needing something to take the taste away, the doctor was very surprised, and I was very proud. You got a blue helium balloon and a sticker for being a brave girl. You were very excited by both (you call the balloon a blue moon, and its currently tied to your bed) We took you home and went back to bed and you slept in until 10.15am and fee much better now.

Your diagnosis is either viral induced wheeze or asthma (but they tend not to formally diagnose until 4) so we have salbutamol and steroids for the next few days to keep you breathing well. I suspect you will ultimately turn out to have asthma like I did but that’s okay, the treatment is incredibly swift and effective and I promise I won’t ever leave you feeling terrified and unable to breathe with your parents ignoring you like I was. I will always whisk you to hospital if I think you need it- thankfully we live within a 5mins drive of A&E.

I hope you never develop a serious case of asthma, mine was never too bad and I grew out of it by 11ish, with the occasional mild wheeze due to allergies (am allergic to your grandparents’ house- your grandma, my mum, doesn’t like hoovering, ever!)

Anyhow I love you and I am so glad I took you last night and you are feeling so much better.
Phew. Thanks to nursery for their vigilance in knowing you were out of sorts and letting me know so I collected you early yesterday and thanks to the likely staff at A&E who treated you so promptly and effectively. You are a very lucky girl to be so well cared for.

Love MummyCurd

P.S you just woke up and teddy had to have the medicine first and then teddy had to do your medicine as she is a Doctor Teddy

Dear Parents of 9month old babies considering your next sized carseat

Dear Parents of 9month old babies considering your next sized carseat,

Did you know that keeping your child rearfacing in their stage 1 carseat (the one after the Stage 0 newborn -9months old so from birth) is FIVE times safer than moving them forward facing from 9months? This is because in a forward collision the impact pushes them back into their seat instead of forwards- forward facers in a collision are 90% more likely to suffer serious injuries and are more likely to break their necks/die.

The reason so many people don’t know this or use them is because rear facing carseats are rarer and can be more expensive. Forward Facing from 9months is the more dangerous “norm” in this country (In Scandinavia not so).

When I found out about this I insisted Oddler went into a rear facing carseat from when she outgrew her stage 0 at about 10.5months. After doing some research we bought online the Britax Two Way Elite from the incredibly helpful InCare Safety Centre (We used the videos online to help make sure we installed it properly). It cost £200 so £100 more than what we were anticipating spending on a carseat but we had my parents buy it for Oddler’s christmas present and the fact it would last her until 4 (25kgs) and had the possibility of going forward facing if she got to an age she hated to be rear facing then we thought this was the best option for us (we also dont have Isofix in our car).

Oddler is almost two and a half and she is totally happy being in a rear facing carseat even on long journeys. People often say “Oh but she can’t see what is going on” but that is rubbish- she has an entire unobstructed view out of the back window and can see out of the sides. They often seem suprised my toddler is still rear facing like I am “babying” her. The safety facts I pass on soon shuts them up, although I do feel bad when it’s other parents who have forward facing carseats- I don’t want to make people feel bad about the carseat they chose (especially when so few people know abour rear facing safety) but more to educate people in the safest option and get the word out there.

Yes there are very minor downsides to keeping her rearfacing- I can’t see what she is upto even if I turn around (not while driving!) but this is easily fixed by putting a mirror on the seat headrest in front of her so I can see out of my rearview mirror without turning around- so again that makes it safer than if she was forward facing as I would have to turn around for her. Also when she had a dummy to sleep for car journeys she would also often lose it down the side of the seat and we would have to stop to be able to rescue it for her but I think it would be similar if she was forward facing, she has got rid of the dummy now so it is no longer an issue. These are very minor niggles compared to the absolutely massive safety advantages. Plus it is easier to get her in and out of the carseat as you are putting her in the same way the car door opens, so no bracing yourself against the car door opened at its max to strap her in.

A few months ago I thought Oddler was getting too big for her rearfacing seat and I was worried I was going to have to turn her forward facing, she is in the 99.9th Centile and the size of a hefty (NOT FAT!) three year old. I tweeted my worries and PHEW- the lovely @13Loki who has the same carseat told me there is a part of the base that folds out and when you do this suddenly there is a heck of a lot more leg room for them. Hurrah- so Oddler is now safe in that carseat for another year at least. Annoyingly I have had my babies close together so in 6months or so we will need to buy another rear facing seat as Oddler won’t be ready to move up to the next stage car seat by the time Omble needs it, but never mind twill be a Christmas present from us all. It is so annoying these car seats are so expensive which is another reason for my post. The more consumer demand for these car seats there is, the more common these car seats are, the cheaper they will become. We need to demand more places stock them and they are much more affordable for all.

This post was fired up by reading yet more blogs/forum threads/ twitter discussions of parents moving their babies forward facing at 9months “so they can see the world” even if they haven’t grown out of their existing rear facing carseat (once the head extends over the top of the carseat is when they have outgrown it NOT when their legs extend out of the bottom- legs can bend) when there is a much safer better option.

If you found this information helpful please do pass it on, or pass on the links. I can be a bit evangelical about rear facing carseats (this isn’t a sponsored post by the way in any shape or form- haha can you imagine an PR wanting to get involved with my phallic avatar and vaginal yeast infection name- Methinks not- this blog will only ever have me rambling about stuff I love for no gain whatsoever (like this and will publish my dear Mooncup one soon!), in fact I hope I don’t bring any of my fave brands into disrepute with my Curdy ways! )

Lots of Love

LadyObsessedWithCarSafetyAndSpreadingTheWordAboutTheLittleKnown
RearFacingSeatsCurd

Oddler in her carseat

Dear Alpha Parent, re. women giving up breastfeeding “too easily”

Dear Alpha Parent,

I read with interest your “NEWSFLASH- Breastfeeding requires effort” post last night. I was conflicted about it for various reasons which I will explain in a moment.  I tweeted:

Hmm I am conflicted re. @AlphaParent‘s blog post. I understand where she is coming from but hmmmm I need to ponder more.

— LadyCurd (@LadyCurd) June 28, 2012

and understandably a lot of very upset tweeters tweeted back at me.  144 characters is not enough to do my thoughts justice so I am expanding upon them  here.

*Personal breastfeeding story klaxon*

Firstly I need to say I should be one of the 2% of women who actually can’t breastfeed. A bilateral breast reduction when I was 19 removed 7lbs of breast tissue and I was told it was 50:50 whether I would breastfeed.  However I was one of the lucky ones.  I have written extensively about my exceptionally hard early breastfeeding experiences of Oddler (here, here) and Omble (here, here,  and here). I hoped it would be easier second time around but if anything it was harder!  But in summary here is a chart of most of the trials and tribulations we conquered.

Oddler	Omble
Breast reduction- large amount of tissue removed. can I feed?  Health care professionals doubtful.	Breast reduction- have predominantly breastfed before, can I exclusively feed this time?
14% weight loss in first week. Everyone panics.	9.7% weight loss, most people stay calm.
6weeks to regain birthweight- Health Visitors and Midwives worried	5.5weeks to regain birthweight- Health Visitors and Midwives still worried but less so than last time
Crazy intense relentless exhausting hellish pumping and top up routine	Crazy intense relentless exhausting pumping and top up routine but this time I have a toddler to care for too and a dad to grieve for.
Tube fed baby won’t latch on for first week. Will only latch on with nipple shields for first month.	Won’t latch on for first 36hours, then only with nipple shields
Agonising cracked nipples that won’t heal.	Agonising cracked nipples that won’t heal.
Tongue tie diagnosed and snipped at 7weeks, latch improves, nipples damaged further	Tongue tie dismissed at birth but diagnosed and snipped at 3 weeks. No improvement in latch, nipples still being damaged
Bacterial infection in nipple crack diagnosed at 9 weeks. Antibiotics mean nipple heals	4 bouts of mastitis- 3 I cleared on my own, one requiring antibiotics as my breast was oozing pus
Baby on NICU for first 5days of life, I am on a hospital ward away from her. I am given minimal advice on how to establish breastfeeding in that situation.	Treated for breast thrush as deep stabbing pain whenever I feed, treatment doesn’t improve situation
Flat almost inverted nipples makes it hard for baby to latch.	Nipples aren’t as flat anymore thanks to a year of breastfeeding Oddler but they are still a very difficult shape to get a good latch in early days
Hugely traumatic birth and worries about a possibly brain damaged baby, affect establishing bonding and breastfeeding.	My dad dies when Omble is 3weeks old, I am utterly devastated, milk supply crashes with the stress
No skin to skin after delivery- first cuddle at 24 hours old.	Omble gets cold after cold making it very difficult for her to feed from me.
Born with a poor suck reflex, it does improve but breastfeeding incredibly hard to initiate.	Very clicky latch despite tongue tie snip. Feeding is very noisy and painful. Tongue tie reassed but not much more they can do- Omble is just a crap feeder.

I am incredibly proud to say that despite all of this I breastfed Oddler til she self weaned at 13months and Omble is still going strong at 6months.  Oddler was mixed fed from birth as NICU put her on a 10ml an hour regime and if my supply wasn’t up to that she was supplemented with formula. When she lost 14% of body weight she was put on 30ml top ups every three hours by the paediatrician, as much as I could manage of breastmilk and the remainder being initially of Diaorlyte but we soon switched to formula as she was just sloshing with liquid. However by 15weeks I managed to get Oddler to be predominantly breastfed with a bottle of formula at nighttime. Omble was exclusively breastfed for 8weeks and although I was hoping to go longer, I was utterly floored by my 4th bout of mastitis so LordCurd took both the girls away to give me a break and I slept and pumped but we didn’t have a store of breastmilk so she had formula and from then on  has had a bottle a day too.

By my own success criteria I am a fucking legend. But in your eyes would I be a failure because I didn’t try that little bit harder and not supplement with formula!?  I only found out with my second child Omble I could actually exclusively breastfeed and have her gain sufficient weight but I have no idea if I could have exclusively breastfed to 6months like the recomendations. I doubt it somehow. I have started weaning her now anyhow, earlier than 26weeks. Is that another failure? Am I now making excuses?

There is no doubt breastfeeding is a very good thing but it occupies such a tiny part of your child’s life and within a few months babies are experimenting with food and given that whilst weaning Oddler I gave her things like quavers and rich tea biscuits as finger foods, and Omble has already tried Jamaican Ginger Cake and I drink alcohol whilst breastfeeding and I have an utterly shite diet,  then I don’t think I can be at all smug about giving my kids the ”best start in life”.

Therefore by some people’s “sucess criteria” it might be said that I am failing my children, but I have decided that I cannot judge anyone except myself against my own success criteria, sometimes I feel a failure as a mother, other times I think I am the world’s most amazing mother, and I think most other mothers feel the same. It makes me sad when we judge and compare each other for making different choices to our own.  Which is also why your post rankled with me, who exactly are you to decide the success criteria of breastfeeding mothers!?

Originally before I started breastfeeding thinking I would be completely unable to due to the breast reduction, my success criteria was “If I can just get them to have a bit of colostrum then I will be happy” as it turned out I far surpassed that, but I think individuals should decide their own breastfeeding success criteria, not anyone else. If they are happy with their choices then so am I.

However one thing that came out of your post for me, was reading the comments where women highlighted some of the reasons they gave up breastfeeding, whilst other women shared the difficulties they had overcome, the difficulties were fundamentally the same in some ways, the choices different.  The reason I highlighted my own difficult breastfeeding story is that I do think it is important to celebrate breastfeeding stories in the face of such adversity and I do get a bit cross that women are expected not to champion their pride in their own achievements for fear of upsetting other women who are dealing with their own sense of failure around breastfeeding. I am not writing this to deliberately make anyone feel bad- those that know me, know I go to great lengths to avoid upsetting people, (mainly because I am a complete wuss when it comes to confrontation!) but I am worried this letter may upset some of the people reading it because the terrible tendency us women have to compare and measure ourselves against others. As I said in my comment on Glosswitch’s post ”Being proud of my own experience and choices doesn’t mean I think other people should feel ashamed of theirs“.  I am not other people, I am me, only the expert of my own experience, no-body elses.

Feeding the baby, typing furiously on the internet. My life for past 2.5years.

However I didn’t used to be so wise or pretending to be wise.  A few years ago I was incredibly naive when Oddler was about 10weeks old and I posted on Mumsnet “Am I being unreasonable” the following “AIBU to think that some women give up breastfeeding too easily“.  ie. I thought much the same as you do.  My thinking behind such an inflammatory statement was “If I can do it in the face of all this shit then why am I seeing person X, Y, Z giving up after a measly cracked nipple or slow weight gain- pah wimps, I’m hard me!” Of course quite rightly I was completely and utterly flamed on the thread, and then I had the really sad realisation that the ONLY reason I stuck with breastfeeding despite all the shit was because I FELT GUILTY. I felt I had let down Oddler during her birth, I had given up, I had stopped pushing, I wanted to die, I didn’t care if she died, and as a result she was possibly brain damaged. Succeeding at breastfeeding was the ONLY way I felt I could make it up to her, and so I did, despite it being the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I have had a huge amount of therapy since then and I don’t feel that way any more but lets face it – that is a pretty sad and crap reason to stick with breastfeeding and how is that any better than the “crap” reasons for giving up breastfeeding you highlighted in your post?

My crap reason for sticking with breastfeeding my second baby Omble despite it being fucking hard again was because I had done the same for Oddler and I couldn’t give up, as it wasn’t fair on Omble, and it was about equally as hard (or in some ways easier and some ways harder anyway) breastfeeding her as it was to feed her sister and if I had managed it once then I could again. But had I not had my crap reason to breastfeed her big sister and managed it, then the liklihood is I wouldn’t have been so bloody minded second time too.

When I realised that the only reason I stuck with breastfeeding was misplaced guilt I realised therefore that I couldn’t judge other mothers for their choices as who knows the real core truth what was going on for them to make them stick at or give up on breastfeeding, I certainly didn’t realise my own for a good while.  I felt so awful about posting my thread on Mumsnet and I persuaded them to pull it as I was too mentally fragile to keep dealing with the fallout.  Very kindly they did and thanks to all the posters who accepted my apologies and those that understood where I was coming from, though I hadn’t expressed it very well.

My key learning from that episode is that  IT’S NOT A COMPETITION to see who had a shittest time of breastfeeding and using that as criteria to judge others successes or failures because ultimately that is not only cruel but futile, they are incomparable as we are all individuals.  In fact Motherhood in general IS NOT A COMPETITION. But being called the AlphaParent I am not sure you will see it like that.  I have my breastfeeding experience, and others have theirs and it makes me sad that we can’t celebrate and comiserate equally without the baggage and judgement which comes with discussing infant feeding choices.

Breastfeeding symbol (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Having rambled on about my feeding experiences for long enough (amuses me how any breastfeeding comment always attracts everyone’s personal stories), I will now try and explain why I was conflicted when I read your post.  I think it was because I agreed with an aspect of what you were saying but not how you were saying it.   I do agree there is a a “culture of ‘failure acceptance’”which there currently is around breastfeeding. “If Woman X, Y, Z didn’t manage it, then I don’t need to feel so guilty about stopping either.”  ie. it makes it much easier for women to stop perhaps before they have explored all the avenues for possible solutions to the difficulties they are experiencing. However there is a huge amount bound up in that- it is too simplistic to solely blame the woman herself for making the excuses. Ledoux made an excellent comment on your post about that.  Personally I feel the crucial issue central to successful breastfeeding is support.  With the right support I reckon most women would succeed at breastfeeding if they wanted to.  I had a group I went to every week, I phoned helplines, I have a very supportive husband and family, I had supportive midwives and health visitors (and some crap ones which I ignored), I had done a huge amount of reading beforehand. All of these things contributed massively to my breastfeeding successes despite the huge obstacles I faced. But I was lucky.  A scary amount of women don’t get the support I did.  I have read blogposts by women explaining why they gave up breastfeeding for reasons such as “because my baby lost weight”, clearly not realising that it is entirely normal for babies to lose up to 10% of their birth weight in first few days.

I do think the way you expressed your opinions was unnecessarily harsh and unhelpful in the “breast vs. bottle” debate which has trundled on for far too long already. Alvarrson commented very well on your post and  I don’t think furthering the guilt mothers feel is helpful to anyone. It is pointless in fact. (Much like the pointless post abortion guilt I wrote about previously)  I am viewing my stance on breast versus bottle to be the same as my pro-choice stance.  I am pro-choice here too, women make choices right for them and their families, if we stopped with the judging and the guilt and the defensiveness and instead recognised and celebrated individuals rights to truly informed choices then I think the world would be a much happier place. But the caveat is the “truly informed choice”,  I would hope that women have the opportunity to explore every avenue for support or solutions to the issues available to them before making the decision to stop breastfeeding (and if they decide to stop after that- they absolutely should- no judgement), but I am realistic, I know this currently isn’t happenings so how can we change that?

Being a solution focussed kinda gal I would like to see the following put into place:

• Personal breastfeeding supporter for every woman on call until the baby is 12weeks, with 3 visits a week for first few weeks, weekly thereafter if the woman wants them.
• Breastfeeding support groups being offered weekly within a 10mile radius of every woman.
• Tongue ties being assessed at birth and again after a few weeks (Omble’s was misdiagnosed as not present initially) feeding and snipping should be easily accessible without requiring mum and baby to travel miles for the procedure.
• Women and their support networks being properly educated about breastfeeding and what breastfeeding sabotage looks like.  This can and should start in school.
• Championing and celebrating breastfeeding at every opportunity- normalising it.  Breastfeeding in public being accepted and normal.
• Personal Jamaican Ginger cake supply for all breastfeeding mothers. At least three cakes a week to be delivered to your door for free.

I think putting energy into things like that is far more productive than putting everyone’s backs up in National Breastfeeding Week. But then again- you got us all talking and discussing so maybe aspect of your rather judgemental ranty mean post has been successful. 

So yeah that is why I was conflicted, in 14306 characters- rather more than the 144 I was trying to explain my position in last night!

Love

LadyBetaParentCurd

Dear Parents of Potty Training Toddlers

Dear Parents of Potty Training Toddlers,

This is a public service announcement. I am sharing this story with you so you don’t make the same mistake I made this afternoon.

My toddler is incredibly good at going on the loo for wees and usually poo, but today the inevitable happened. A giant shit of epic proportions filled her tiny pants. In removing said pants something rather catastrophic occurred, I lay her down as I would to remove a nappy and somehow, in trying to take the poo filled pants off I somehow created a knicker catapult with the stetchy pants around my toddlers legs. My toddler wriggled as I was holding onto the pants, jerking them out of my hand. I watched in horror as the poo was flung forward at force towards my toddlers face belly and landed with a splat. Of course she screamed and jerked about trying to get the huge round portion of poo off her belly which only caused it to roll further around leaving a smeary fecal trail. This was all going on in slow motion, as I tried desperately to grab at the poo with a wet wipe. There were tears as I was crying with laughter and it required extensive cleanup and a bath.

It was rather traumatic for all concerned and really could have all been solved if I had been clever enough to take the poo filled pants off her while she stood up, instead of lying her down. For the love of easy cleanup NEVER EVER LIE YOUR TODDLER DOWN TO TAKE OFF SHITTY PANTS UNLESS YOU INTEND TO CUT THEM OUT OF THEM.

You’re welcome
LadyMakingTheMistakesSoYouDon’tHaveTooCurd

Oddler proving the stretchy catapult capabilities with a clean pair. You have been warned!

Dear Femfresh

Dear Femfresh,

Have to say initially I laughed out loud reading this response to the facebook backlash to your product via @crazycolours. It took me an embarrasingly long time to realise this was a spoof response penned by the incredibly talented @Hollybrocks. Interesting to note that your Facebook page is currently AWOL.

So yeah even though this poetic response is not real I felt like responding as if it is because it’s either that or work on my job applications, so I am going to pretend to be “Offended of Roman Spa Town” and respond as a disgruntled feminist parent (however in my usual double standard way I am not going to berate for the use of the more offensive terms for the female genitals as I have come to the conclusion I have no problem with slang for body parts, I have a problem when that slang is used to describe things other than female genitals, which in this case it wasn’t.)

Being a “Wannabe Humourless Feminist” (Glosswitch beat me to it), I have decided to take issue with the response as it completely neglects to  address the fact that the product is actually irrelevant and unnecessary for vaginal health as I outlined here yesterday.  But I suppose that would be an even worse marketing campaign than Woo Hoo for your Frou Frou,  to point out that the product is utterly pointless and actually does more harm than good, so I expect that is why the spoofer (@HollyBrocks- brilliant superb amazing job) also omitted that crucial part to the response. (I wonder how Femfresh will actually ultimately respond- so far they have now responded by taking down the Facebook page!)

Being a wannabe humourless feminist mother, I did decide to take exception to part of the rhyme though. “Fuck mums and dads“- as I am a mum and I have written extensively about naming of genitals (here, here, here).  As a mum I have absolutely no problem with the correct scientific terms being used for the female reproductive organs for me and for my daughters. I refuse to euphemise them (although Oddler has euphemised “vulva” into “buddha“, but that’s okay she is only two!).  I think you may find many parents feel like me- a vagina, a vulva, a clitoris, the labia- parts of the body- nothing to be ashamed about and  we probably don’t appreciate being sworn at as part of a collective idea that all mums and dads are uncomfortable with the correct names of the genitals.  Many of us are quite comfortable with these terms, although I appreciate some are not but to be quite honest those parents need to get over themselves. IT IS A VAGINA- 51% of the worlds population has one. But that’s just something I felt the need to point out, as it made me cross, now I have to get my humourless feminist badge right? Please?

I can’t be the only mum in the world calling a vulva a vulva, a vagina a vagina, and a Spade, a diggywoowoo can I?

Yours Sincerely

LadyProudToOwnAVulvaButIDriveACorsaCurd