Dear Dad, Thankyou for not being David Davies.

Dear Dad,

Here we are almost 11 months since you left us, still missing you an awful lot and struggling a bit with my grief.

I don’t think I ever told you this, but the moment you said to me in our sitting room as I was helping you with the fire:

“It doesn’t matter if you are gay, bi or whatever I will always love you”

when I was 15 and working out my sexual identity, was one of the most perfect and brilliant things you ever said or did for me. The complete and total acceptance and loving of me as me was exactly what I needed from you at that time.

It was particularly powerful because you didn’t find it easy to express emotions- in fact that is probably one of the only times I ever remember you telling me you loved me. Also this was alongside Mum’s struggling with it a bit and given she’s a classic “liberal middle class social sciences academic type” and your background was very different and by all accounts somewhat racist and homophobic, I was so surprised that it was you telling me this and not mum.  She still won’t let me forget about “that time you thought you were a lesbian, LadyC”- Sigh.

So Thank you,  Thank you for being such a brilliantly and unexpectedly accepting and loving dad. Those words did make such an impact on my life. I’m happy in my identity now- in that I choose not to classify it or worry about it anymore. I’m very happily married to the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with.  I’m not gay, I’m not bi, I’m not straight, I’m not curious or questioning, I’m just me. Some people may think that a bit queer but I’m okay with that, its what works for me.

Thankyou for not being David Davies.

Love you Dad.

LadyHappyBeingMeAndThatsThanksToYouCurd

Dear Follower re. Will Smith’s toilet habits

Dear Follower,
You may have noticed this blog has been very quiet of late, far from my four posts a day at its zenith. There are reasons for that, Omble no longer spends hours and hours breastfeeding so I have no excuse to sit and type anymore instead I am being kept very busy having two tiny kids under 3, plus I have gone back to work (as an employee plus do self employed stuff too) plus I am doing my masters dissertation and trying to sort my dads estate and support my mum and bro. In short I don’t have time to maintain my blog in the same way I was before, plus I’m finding now Omble’s sleep is so much better I am more coherent and this means no more bonkers sleep deprived posts!

There is another reason too- I’m going to call it the “Will Smith Effect” – I have no interest in the cult of celebrity and don’t know any details of Will Smith’s life other than I know he uses moist toilet tissue as to do otherwise is “to do his backside a great wrong”. Yes the only thing I know about Will Smith is that he likes to be ultra clean after he has a shit! He told a magazine that and I read it in the magazine (in a docs waiting room the only time I ever read ‘em) and it is the only fact that has ever stuck in my head about him. I will never meet him, I will never speak to him in real life yet I know this about his post bowel movement habits and I really don’t want to!

Anyhow this got me thinking about things I have shared on this blog, whilst I am careful to not share anything I wouldn’t probably tell you within 10mins of meeting me in RL (I’m one of those open TMI person like that), lately I have started to ponder how much info is out there about me and how many people who follow this blog who I have never spoken to or interacted in RL know stuff that maybe borders on the too personal boundary- whilst I have never shared my arse rag of choice, there have been times where I may have overshared somethings and with hindsight I am not terribly comfortable about this especially now I’m working as an employee again (whilst self employed and my own boss personal and professional boundaries are much easier to navigate- employed makes me worry – hope my boss never finds my blog!)

Anyhow this isn’t to say my blog is ending because it isn’t but there will probably be a move away from the personal and more onto the commenting on the world stuff which I also really enjoy but the posts take longer to write as I am much more careful with especially re. Abortion, so it’s finding the time to write these. Thankfully @glosswitch‘s blog usually says the sorts of things I am thinking in a much wittier more intelligent way than I ever could so I suggest you just follow hers instead.

I may make an exception on the personal posts and continue to write about bereavement as this blog was partly started to help me deal with my Dad’s death and I would quite like to continue with that aspect in some ways.

Anyhow just an update really and an apology if you are missing your previous daily inbox hijack by moi.

Lots of love
LadyCurd

Dear Freddie the Baby Seagull

Dear Freddie the Baby Seagull,

I don’t know if I told you this but I am known in these parts as #madseagulllady and generally I am NOT a fan of your kind. However meeting you has changed me.

The other night you gave us quite a fright suddenly bouncing down from the sky, hitting the wall, LordCurd and the floor.  There was a lot of blood

Freddie’s blood on the wall

and you had clearly broken one or both wings and sustained a head injury.  We didn’t think you were going to make it, we thought we needed to kill you but neither I or LordCurd could summon the strength to humanely put you out of your misery.  I was in tears about you and I went onto Twitter to talk about you, twitter had um lots of helpful suggestions and I storified them here.

In the meantime you had righted yourself and were sat on the ground with your wings tucked in so it didn’t look as dire, however your eyes were badly damaged.   I didn’t know what to do so I tried to call a few vets and a local wildlife rescue place but it being 9pm at night there was nothing doing. A few people on twitter suggested the RSPCA, so I gave them a call and they were very helpful. They couldnt come round that night but they said they would be round in the morning.

The told me to put a wash basket over you

Freddie being contained so the RSPCA can come and get him,  Freddie staying the night. A sheet to hide him from predators and a weight to stop them getting at him. I also put the patio furniture around him so there could be no dislodgin

to protect from from predators, covered by a sheet and weighed down so they couldn’t see you or get at you, and to give you some water and some crumbs (but not to risk getting pecked- the water was the most important- crumbs optional).  I did all this and in the morning checked on you and you were still alive!

The bloke from the RSPCA came by 10am and took you away. He said it wasn’t looking good because your eyes had been damaged but they would check and see.  I didn’t hear back until today when I rang up and sadly you were too badly damaged and the vet had put you to sleep after you had been examined. I am so sorry you had such a short life, you were only a baby, and I am sorry that you spent over 15hours in pain and suffering because I lacked the strength to end your life humanely.   I do hope you know I cared as did twitter and I hope you were comforted by the bread and water and the safe homemade cage.

Sadly via a random coincidence on twitter I learned that a sibling of yours has gone down in a neighbouring garden (weird as I didn’t hear about it from my neighbour and didn’t know the person who rescued him- the scary power of the internet!) but I do hope that sibling of yours might have made it- otherwise I think your poor mum will be very sad.

Anyhow Freddie, rest in peace.  I think in a small way you have changed me for the better. I will try not to be so seagullist in future amd judge each gull on individual merits rather than stereotyping.

That is your legacy.

Freddie the baby seagull- that was your life.

Lots of Love

LadyCurd

P.S The RSPCA does amazing work. Me I don’t particularly like animals so much despite having a degree in zoology, but I am so very glad they exist to help with situations like Freddie’s and if you want to donate like I just have you can do so here.

Dear Alpha Parent, re. women giving up breastfeeding “too easily”

Dear Alpha Parent,

I read with interest your “NEWSFLASH- Breastfeeding requires effort” post last night. I was conflicted about it for various reasons which I will explain in a moment.  I tweeted:

Hmm I am conflicted re. @AlphaParent‘s blog post. I understand where she is coming from but hmmmm I need to ponder more.

— LadyCurd (@LadyCurd) June 28, 2012

and understandably a lot of very upset tweeters tweeted back at me.  144 characters is not enough to do my thoughts justice so I am expanding upon them  here.

*Personal breastfeeding story klaxon*

Firstly I need to say I should be one of the 2% of women who actually can’t breastfeed. A bilateral breast reduction when I was 19 removed 7lbs of breast tissue and I was told it was 50:50 whether I would breastfeed.  However I was one of the lucky ones.  I have written extensively about my exceptionally hard early breastfeeding experiences of Oddler (here, here) and Omble (here, here,  and here). I hoped it would be easier second time around but if anything it was harder!  But in summary here is a chart of most of the trials and tribulations we conquered.

Oddler	Omble
Breast reduction- large amount of tissue removed. can I feed?  Health care professionals doubtful.	Breast reduction- have predominantly breastfed before, can I exclusively feed this time?
14% weight loss in first week. Everyone panics.	9.7% weight loss, most people stay calm.
6weeks to regain birthweight- Health Visitors and Midwives worried	5.5weeks to regain birthweight- Health Visitors and Midwives still worried but less so than last time
Crazy intense relentless exhausting hellish pumping and top up routine	Crazy intense relentless exhausting pumping and top up routine but this time I have a toddler to care for too and a dad to grieve for.
Tube fed baby won’t latch on for first week. Will only latch on with nipple shields for first month.	Won’t latch on for first 36hours, then only with nipple shields
Agonising cracked nipples that won’t heal.	Agonising cracked nipples that won’t heal.
Tongue tie diagnosed and snipped at 7weeks, latch improves, nipples damaged further	Tongue tie dismissed at birth but diagnosed and snipped at 3 weeks. No improvement in latch, nipples still being damaged
Bacterial infection in nipple crack diagnosed at 9 weeks. Antibiotics mean nipple heals	4 bouts of mastitis- 3 I cleared on my own, one requiring antibiotics as my breast was oozing pus
Baby on NICU for first 5days of life, I am on a hospital ward away from her. I am given minimal advice on how to establish breastfeeding in that situation.	Treated for breast thrush as deep stabbing pain whenever I feed, treatment doesn’t improve situation
Flat almost inverted nipples makes it hard for baby to latch.	Nipples aren’t as flat anymore thanks to a year of breastfeeding Oddler but they are still a very difficult shape to get a good latch in early days
Hugely traumatic birth and worries about a possibly brain damaged baby, affect establishing bonding and breastfeeding.	My dad dies when Omble is 3weeks old, I am utterly devastated, milk supply crashes with the stress
No skin to skin after delivery- first cuddle at 24 hours old.	Omble gets cold after cold making it very difficult for her to feed from me.
Born with a poor suck reflex, it does improve but breastfeeding incredibly hard to initiate.	Very clicky latch despite tongue tie snip. Feeding is very noisy and painful. Tongue tie reassed but not much more they can do- Omble is just a crap feeder.

I am incredibly proud to say that despite all of this I breastfed Oddler til she self weaned at 13months and Omble is still going strong at 6months.  Oddler was mixed fed from birth as NICU put her on a 10ml an hour regime and if my supply wasn’t up to that she was supplemented with formula. When she lost 14% of body weight she was put on 30ml top ups every three hours by the paediatrician, as much as I could manage of breastmilk and the remainder being initially of Diaorlyte but we soon switched to formula as she was just sloshing with liquid. However by 15weeks I managed to get Oddler to be predominantly breastfed with a bottle of formula at nighttime. Omble was exclusively breastfed for 8weeks and although I was hoping to go longer, I was utterly floored by my 4th bout of mastitis so LordCurd took both the girls away to give me a break and I slept and pumped but we didn’t have a store of breastmilk so she had formula and from then on  has had a bottle a day too.

By my own success criteria I am a fucking legend. But in your eyes would I be a failure because I didn’t try that little bit harder and not supplement with formula!?  I only found out with my second child Omble I could actually exclusively breastfeed and have her gain sufficient weight but I have no idea if I could have exclusively breastfed to 6months like the recomendations. I doubt it somehow. I have started weaning her now anyhow, earlier than 26weeks. Is that another failure? Am I now making excuses?

There is no doubt breastfeeding is a very good thing but it occupies such a tiny part of your child’s life and within a few months babies are experimenting with food and given that whilst weaning Oddler I gave her things like quavers and rich tea biscuits as finger foods, and Omble has already tried Jamaican Ginger Cake and I drink alcohol whilst breastfeeding and I have an utterly shite diet,  then I don’t think I can be at all smug about giving my kids the ”best start in life”.

Therefore by some people’s “sucess criteria” it might be said that I am failing my children, but I have decided that I cannot judge anyone except myself against my own success criteria, sometimes I feel a failure as a mother, other times I think I am the world’s most amazing mother, and I think most other mothers feel the same. It makes me sad when we judge and compare each other for making different choices to our own.  Which is also why your post rankled with me, who exactly are you to decide the success criteria of breastfeeding mothers!?

Originally before I started breastfeeding thinking I would be completely unable to due to the breast reduction, my success criteria was “If I can just get them to have a bit of colostrum then I will be happy” as it turned out I far surpassed that, but I think individuals should decide their own breastfeeding success criteria, not anyone else. If they are happy with their choices then so am I.

However one thing that came out of your post for me, was reading the comments where women highlighted some of the reasons they gave up breastfeeding, whilst other women shared the difficulties they had overcome, the difficulties were fundamentally the same in some ways, the choices different.  The reason I highlighted my own difficult breastfeeding story is that I do think it is important to celebrate breastfeeding stories in the face of such adversity and I do get a bit cross that women are expected not to champion their pride in their own achievements for fear of upsetting other women who are dealing with their own sense of failure around breastfeeding. I am not writing this to deliberately make anyone feel bad- those that know me, know I go to great lengths to avoid upsetting people, (mainly because I am a complete wuss when it comes to confrontation!) but I am worried this letter may upset some of the people reading it because the terrible tendency us women have to compare and measure ourselves against others. As I said in my comment on Glosswitch’s post ”Being proud of my own experience and choices doesn’t mean I think other people should feel ashamed of theirs“.  I am not other people, I am me, only the expert of my own experience, no-body elses.

Feeding the baby, typing furiously on the internet. My life for past 2.5years.

However I didn’t used to be so wise or pretending to be wise.  A few years ago I was incredibly naive when Oddler was about 10weeks old and I posted on Mumsnet “Am I being unreasonable” the following “AIBU to think that some women give up breastfeeding too easily“.  ie. I thought much the same as you do.  My thinking behind such an inflammatory statement was “If I can do it in the face of all this shit then why am I seeing person X, Y, Z giving up after a measly cracked nipple or slow weight gain- pah wimps, I’m hard me!” Of course quite rightly I was completely and utterly flamed on the thread, and then I had the really sad realisation that the ONLY reason I stuck with breastfeeding despite all the shit was because I FELT GUILTY. I felt I had let down Oddler during her birth, I had given up, I had stopped pushing, I wanted to die, I didn’t care if she died, and as a result she was possibly brain damaged. Succeeding at breastfeeding was the ONLY way I felt I could make it up to her, and so I did, despite it being the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I have had a huge amount of therapy since then and I don’t feel that way any more but lets face it – that is a pretty sad and crap reason to stick with breastfeeding and how is that any better than the “crap” reasons for giving up breastfeeding you highlighted in your post?

My crap reason for sticking with breastfeeding my second baby Omble despite it being fucking hard again was because I had done the same for Oddler and I couldn’t give up, as it wasn’t fair on Omble, and it was about equally as hard (or in some ways easier and some ways harder anyway) breastfeeding her as it was to feed her sister and if I had managed it once then I could again. But had I not had my crap reason to breastfeed her big sister and managed it, then the liklihood is I wouldn’t have been so bloody minded second time too.

When I realised that the only reason I stuck with breastfeeding was misplaced guilt I realised therefore that I couldn’t judge other mothers for their choices as who knows the real core truth what was going on for them to make them stick at or give up on breastfeeding, I certainly didn’t realise my own for a good while.  I felt so awful about posting my thread on Mumsnet and I persuaded them to pull it as I was too mentally fragile to keep dealing with the fallout.  Very kindly they did and thanks to all the posters who accepted my apologies and those that understood where I was coming from, though I hadn’t expressed it very well.

My key learning from that episode is that  IT’S NOT A COMPETITION to see who had a shittest time of breastfeeding and using that as criteria to judge others successes or failures because ultimately that is not only cruel but futile, they are incomparable as we are all individuals.  In fact Motherhood in general IS NOT A COMPETITION. But being called the AlphaParent I am not sure you will see it like that.  I have my breastfeeding experience, and others have theirs and it makes me sad that we can’t celebrate and comiserate equally without the baggage and judgement which comes with discussing infant feeding choices.

Breastfeeding symbol (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Having rambled on about my feeding experiences for long enough (amuses me how any breastfeeding comment always attracts everyone’s personal stories), I will now try and explain why I was conflicted when I read your post.  I think it was because I agreed with an aspect of what you were saying but not how you were saying it.   I do agree there is a a “culture of ‘failure acceptance’”which there currently is around breastfeeding. “If Woman X, Y, Z didn’t manage it, then I don’t need to feel so guilty about stopping either.”  ie. it makes it much easier for women to stop perhaps before they have explored all the avenues for possible solutions to the difficulties they are experiencing. However there is a huge amount bound up in that- it is too simplistic to solely blame the woman herself for making the excuses. Ledoux made an excellent comment on your post about that.  Personally I feel the crucial issue central to successful breastfeeding is support.  With the right support I reckon most women would succeed at breastfeeding if they wanted to.  I had a group I went to every week, I phoned helplines, I have a very supportive husband and family, I had supportive midwives and health visitors (and some crap ones which I ignored), I had done a huge amount of reading beforehand. All of these things contributed massively to my breastfeeding successes despite the huge obstacles I faced. But I was lucky.  A scary amount of women don’t get the support I did.  I have read blogposts by women explaining why they gave up breastfeeding for reasons such as “because my baby lost weight”, clearly not realising that it is entirely normal for babies to lose up to 10% of their birth weight in first few days.

I do think the way you expressed your opinions was unnecessarily harsh and unhelpful in the “breast vs. bottle” debate which has trundled on for far too long already. Alvarrson commented very well on your post and  I don’t think furthering the guilt mothers feel is helpful to anyone. It is pointless in fact. (Much like the pointless post abortion guilt I wrote about previously)  I am viewing my stance on breast versus bottle to be the same as my pro-choice stance.  I am pro-choice here too, women make choices right for them and their families, if we stopped with the judging and the guilt and the defensiveness and instead recognised and celebrated individuals rights to truly informed choices then I think the world would be a much happier place. But the caveat is the “truly informed choice”,  I would hope that women have the opportunity to explore every avenue for support or solutions to the issues available to them before making the decision to stop breastfeeding (and if they decide to stop after that- they absolutely should- no judgement), but I am realistic, I know this currently isn’t happenings so how can we change that?

Being a solution focussed kinda gal I would like to see the following put into place:

• Personal breastfeeding supporter for every woman on call until the baby is 12weeks, with 3 visits a week for first few weeks, weekly thereafter if the woman wants them.
• Breastfeeding support groups being offered weekly within a 10mile radius of every woman.
• Tongue ties being assessed at birth and again after a few weeks (Omble’s was misdiagnosed as not present initially) feeding and snipping should be easily accessible without requiring mum and baby to travel miles for the procedure.
• Women and their support networks being properly educated about breastfeeding and what breastfeeding sabotage looks like.  This can and should start in school.
• Championing and celebrating breastfeeding at every opportunity- normalising it.  Breastfeeding in public being accepted and normal.
• Personal Jamaican Ginger cake supply for all breastfeeding mothers. At least three cakes a week to be delivered to your door for free.

I think putting energy into things like that is far more productive than putting everyone’s backs up in National Breastfeeding Week. But then again- you got us all talking and discussing so maybe aspect of your rather judgemental ranty mean post has been successful. 

So yeah that is why I was conflicted, in 14306 characters- rather more than the 144 I was trying to explain my position in last night!

Love

LadyBetaParentCurd

Dear Cherie Blair

Dear Cherie Blair,

I saw you quoted in this article in the Telegraph yesterday. “Cherie Blair attacks yummy mummies”

Now Cherie, is attack really the best form of defense? I suggest you don’t ask your husband that- he doesn’t know the answer to that either.

You stated:

“Every woman needs to be self-sufficient and in that way you really don’t have a choice – for your own satisfaction; you hear these yummy mummies talk about being the best possible mother and they put all their effort into their children. I also want to be the best possible mother, but I know that my job as a mother includes bringing my children up so actually they can live without me.”

Do you have any evidence to suggest that children of stay at home mums are less likely to be able to “live without” their mothers than children of working mothers!? Because if you do I would love to see it, but I think you are falling into a classic trap of feeling a little bit guilty for being a working mum of four children and therefore attacking mothers who are parenting in alternate ways.

Also show me any mother that doesn’t want to be the best possible mother they can be, however they choose to parent. We are all doing our best with whatever circumstances we have either chosen or find ourselves in. Today I am having a spectacularly bad day, my kids are driving me completely up the wall and I have an important work thing tomorrow. Today I have decided that me being the best possible mother is leaving my kids to nap for slightly longer than I should so that I can get this time out to write this letter to you. Although technically I should be using this time to finish off preparing for tomorrow. Then when they wake I will be much better equipped to deal with them, and they will be in much better moods having slept. Others may disagree but that to me is me being the best mother I can be!

You criticised women who “put all their effort into their children” instead of working. “Mothers who go out to work are setting a better example for their children”. I am in total awe of women who can put all their effort into their children, but I disagree working mothers set a better example. They set a different example maybe, but not better. The children of stay at home mums will reap different benefits to those children of working mums, but its not a competition, mums need to do what is right for them and their families.

For me personally I totally and utterly adore my kids but I also need to work for my own sanity. I have a job that I love and I have worked very hard to get where I am. I am completely incapable of being a stay at home parent, so if you asked me who was the better mother I would probably say the stay at home parent who actually enjoys their role. I am a much better mother for working, but those are my personal feelings and other mothers maybe better for not working. Its an individual thing, one size doesn’t fit all in motherhood.

Currently I am mostly a stay at home mum because I have two small children. I work a few days a month but sadly I can’t do much more than that because the costs of childcare for two children under 3 would negate the benefit of me working, and I have a very well paid job! My husbands is better paid and when he asked about going part time (so I could go back to work) he was told “we’d have to let you because we let the women” but the emphasis was very clearly he would be shooting himself in the foot careerwise if he did go part time. We can’t have two careers ruined because we wanted to have children, so it is my career currently taking the hit, until the kids are in school. I think it is exceptionally hard near impossible to maintain two high flying careers (Okay so me and LordCurd are hardly a QC and a prime minister but we are still in excellent graduate professions) when you have small children. You really can’t have it all.

I would love to be the career woman you think all women should be, but currently the way this country is set up for families means that I can’t (but of course you probably wouldn’t be aware of that, having a plethora of staff to help you with your children’s care so you could both continue with your high powered careers.) A friend of mine is actually moving to Sweden because the childcare is so much cheaper there so she can stay in work, but that isn’t really an option for us.

You said “Some women now regard motherhood as an acceptable alternative to a career, Instead, women should strive for both.” You seem to think that women should have careers for their own satisfaction and that motherhood cannot be considred a career. Yes maybe that is true for women like you and me but its not the case for every woman, and unless you are in their shoes who are you to judge pun intended!? Motherhood IS an acceptable alternative to a career, to those mothers who choose to parent in that way. Anyhow “Strive” would be the operative word in most cases as for most working mums, they are usually the one taking on the majority of roles in the home as well as be the parent to stay off with sick kids and have employers not look kindly on them for it. Being a working mum is incredibly hard, it doesn’t surprise me some women may choose not to do that if they don’t have to.

However I do agree that women need to be able to be self sufficient. I know too many women whose marriages have broken down/partner died when they haven’t really worked, and they are now up the proverbial “shit creek”. I will be bringing up my girls to hopefully never need to depend on anyone for anything but if they do in the partnerships they form, that is okay because they will be making choices that are right for their family just as I am for mine. However in their futures I do wish that society is more geared up to support working mothers, that childcare is cheaper and men take on equal roles in the home (Thankfully LordCurd definitely does if not more than his fair share so he is an excellent role model).

Anyhow maybe I am moving in the wrong circles but I don’t think I have ever met a “yummy mummy” as you described, just a lot of women like me who have made or are making choices about their lives that fit in with their families based on their circumstances. I don’t think any of us should judge others for making different choices, it just doesn’t help. What would help is if high powered women like yourself campaigned for better maternity rights, parental leave, cheaper childcare, closing the pay gap etc etc. and then maybe just maybe more women with children would be able to/want to work.

Yours sincerely

LadySAHM&WAHMCurd

Dear Radical Homosexuals re. your “Agenda”

Dear Radical Homosexuals re. your “Agenda”,

Today I read SPUC directors blog where he was whinging on about the “radical homosexual agenda” (I am not linking to it as I have no desire to increase his blog traffic plus it wasn’t very interesting).

Anyhow in said post he used this picture:

Picture nicked from the website I mentioned above. I don’t know where he nicked it from.

Now I have to ask dear radical homosexuals with your agenda making skillz- is Item one- having fun in the shower with a round rainbow sponge!? If so I am TOTALLY IN.  Sign me up – I wanna join!

Lots of rainbow sponge love

LadyNeedsAGoodWashCurd

Dear Intisar Sharif Abdallah

Dear Intisar Sharif Abdallah,

I am in floods of tears reading about your current situation.  I cannot believe that in this day and age there are still countries that treat men, women and children so despicably, barbarically, inhumanely.  In fact those words don’t do your current situation justice at all.  I am so upset that you have been imprisoned with your four month old baby and separated from your other two children.

I am so so sorry that your brother beat you into confessing to adultery (something which isn’t even a crime in my country).  I am devastated that the courts saw fit to sentence you to death by stoning, based on this extremely flimsy “evidence” of your guilt. I abhor the very legislative existence of the death sentence, even for much more heinous crimes than yours (which I am not at all convinced at all you are actually guilty of), but that particular method of execution is the most disgusting, cruel and horrific.

I have sent an appeal on your behalf to President Omar Hassan Ahmad al-Bashir, and I will do everything I can to raise awareness of your current plight, to fight that this sentence is not carried out and that you are reunited with your family.

You might wonder why I am doing this? Well it’s because I also have a baby not much older than yours and previously I might have found myself in situations that in your country could also lead me to the same sentence, but only by virtue of my birth and geography I would never find myself in your situation. This is not right.

I am thinking of you and fighting for you.

Stay strong for your children.

Love

LadyCurd

xxx

Dear Angst Ridden Poetry 2

Dear Angst Ridden Poetry 2,

Well that was foolish, leaving a typed up poem in a file labelled miscellaneous.  The computer’s owner has only gone and found it and is going to publish it to complement the previous anthology so everyone can take the piss again.

Lot’s Of Love

LadyCyberBullyCurd

Knees drawn up to my chest I sit inside my box,

The slighly damp base smells faintly of kerosene.

I listen and wait

Idly the minutes tick by as I pick at a scab on my ankle,

A fly buzzes overhead, my box is open to the still cloudless sky,

Yet confined all around me,

I yearn to escape yet lack the motivation, the willpower,

Lethargy sets in

My fingers turn to cement

One by one my toes are set in concrete,

My once agile limbs a frozen in inertia

And so I sit

Breathing becomes laboured as my lungs start to solidify, there is an intense pressure from inside and out yet with no release.

I remain motionless,

Captured in time

Dear Identity

Dear Identity,

I seem to have mislaid you of late. I’m always entirely sure what you are supposed to be any more? Human? Woman? Lover? Wife? Mother? Educator? Campaigner? SAHM? WAHM? Lazy lady? Crazy Lady? Feminist? Humanist? Atheist? Crunchy?

Trouble is the more I think about it the more I worrit about putting myself in identity boxes, with other people who are supposed to be the same as me but who probably aren’t.

Actually the only boxes I really like are Tupperware and even then only brand new Tupperware, with lids that still fit and match, with no tumeric stains,  and doesn’t make every food put in it taste of dishwasher tablets…..

In fact maybe you should just stay lost, and I should go look at the Lakeland website for some new Tupperware?

Love

LadyIdenticallyDifferentCurd

Dear Save The Children

Dear Save The Children,

I have a confession to make.  Until today I hadn’t read the Times Article about the Houlla Massacre and avoided other news about it, not because I didn’t care or because I didn’t think it utterly horrific and devastating but because I was scared, scared  to upset myself more, when for various family related reasons I am pretty fragile at the minute.

Two things changed this- the other day I saw these tweets from @LynneCShreiber

Houla massacre in The Times today from @mfletchertimes thetimes.co.uk/tto/news/world…… < horrible to read but we owe it to those who died to do so

— Lynn Schreiber (@LynnCSchreiber) May 30, 2012

I normally avoid articles such as the last one but if no one reads, who will protest. We cannot stand by and let this happen again

— Lynn Schreiber (@LynnCSchreiber) May 30, 2012

Those tweets stuck in my head but I still was not in a place to read. The today I read this from @SonyaCisco, I saw the #tippingpoint campaign and I realised I was being selfish, whatever is going on in my family, we are all still alive and we all love each other and I felt compelled to add my voice to the thousands of others calling on governments to act now to stop the horrific massacre of innocent children.

Now I have read, I have wept, I have signed, I have tweeted and now I have written. Is there anything more I (we) can do?

Lot’s of Love

LadyFeelingHorrified,Upset,Angry&HelplessCurd

P.S Here is the Save the Children’s petition as well as the Amnesty Petition and the avaaz petition  please sign them