Dear Last Baby?
I’m not 100% convinced you are the last baby although Lord Curd apparently is.
working on him
You are already 3months old and no longer my tiny floppy headed scrunched up froggy newborn. You have already grown out of some of your clothes although you still feed and wake as constantly as a newborn does which funnily enough is no consolation!
I sometimes find myself wishing we were further along, that you weren’t so dependent on me for food or to get to sleep and then I remember if you are my last, I need to treasure every last sleep deprived ouchy nippled moment with you for I “won’t get that time again”. I must stop wishing your life away!
If you truly are my last baby, I can’t believe I have experienced pregnancy for the last time, I’m weirdly finding myself missing the vomiting, the exhaustion, the insomnia, the very horny dreams,
especially the very horny dreams!. I’m a weirdo who loses weight when pregnant apart from the bump. I have defined cheekbones and glossy hair and perfect glowing skin. (And now at three months post natal my skin has assumed it’s usual greyish tinge and my hair is moulting everywhere- sigh!). When pregnant I can wear dresses – I love wearing dresses but if I do normally everyone asks me when my baby is due (Pesky pot belly)! But erm no-one has babies for vanity reasons do they! (wish the lovely pregnancy hormones were available on prescription, just not the ick ones )
I can’t believe I will never experience birth again, after one horrifically traumatic and one beautiful natural healing experience, I want to try a home water birth- I actually want to experience birth again (something I never ever thought I would say after having Oddler!).
I can’t believe you might be the last baby I will ever breastfeed, when I finish feeding for ever that will be a massive wrench after all that is the one thing I do with you that no-one else shares. It’s incredibly special to me.
But if you really and truly are my last baby then I need to celebrate and enjoy every moment with you for I know that “this too shall pass” and even though I have often contemplated handing mothersucker you over to the Binmen, I actually need to cherish every milestone you reach for this maybe the last time I will experience those things. Even that thought makes me sad.
Don’t grow up too quickly my darling little possibly last baby Omble (but do start sleeping through asap- you know I’m a much better mother when I have had sleep!).
Lots of Love
The thought of none of my babies fitting theses shoes anymore makes me so very sad.
Dear Labour Playlist,
I decided to listen to you again this morning. I was totally organised
anal, You had a nice relaxing section, then a more energtic section and even a pushing stage aerobic music kinda section! Maybe I really overthought it but it was awesome to listen to you whilst giving birth to Omble. But um today I realised there are some frankly bizarre and amusing songs to give birth too on there so I thought you needed to know my randomest and weirdest song choices out of the 250 songs I had on my list.
The Final Countdown (In the end it was a 3hour labour- so not a long countdown)
Salt N’Pepa: Push it Push It (I didn’t even feel to push- 5 minute pushing stage- my body took over- she kind of glided out
thanks to a fanjo that had previously birthed a 2lb heavier baby!
Kings of Leon: Sex on Fire (it was! Ouch! Thank heavens for Gas and Air)
Queen of Japan: I was made for loving you (Slushy but I was made for loving her. I knew she was a she )
ATB: Til I come (erm seriously Orgasmic Birth I did NOT have! )
Bony M: Daddy Cool ( I remember giggling when this one came on and shouting at Lord Curd- this one was for him!)
The Ting Tings- Shut up and let me go (Bet Omble was thinking that- stop your screaming woman and get me out of here!)
As Playlists go you will always make me smile- so thankyou.
Love in Labour and Beyond
Thought you deserved a bit of a love letter. I love you. I didn’t realise how much until recently.
Previously I wasn’t sure, I mean you were just there, giving me dental checkups and the odd prescription, I didn’t really care and to be fair some of your issues did contribute to my first daughters traumatic birth. (However they were small and circumstance was a bigger factor and the time she spent on NICU receiving top quality care after her birth was amazing).
More recently being pregnant with my second daughter I have become totally in awe of your power and the sheer awesomeness of so many people who work for you. You didn’t have to agree an elective section because I had PTSD and tokophobia from my first birth, you didn’t have to send me on an intensive course of CBT and EMDR to help my sort my traumatised brain out. My consultant, the midwives and head of the delivery suite didn’t have to make loads of extra appointments with me to support me & plan my second birth. But you did all of this and as a result I felt able to try for a vaginal birth again and had the most wonderful 3hour labour on gas &air only birthing my second daughter. Your staff put my brain back together, helped me heal mentally and physically and thanks to you I can truly say I am better and the ghosts of the first birth have finally been put to bed. I really think the NHS have gone above and beyond for me and I never expected the level of care or treatment I got so I am truly in awe of your power and I will be forever grateful.
Thank-you from the bottom of my heart.
P.S saving my life when I had an ectopic pregnancy was also rather good of you- so cheers for that too!