I have a shameful secret, I am addicted to you, there is just something about squeezing out your foulness that nothing else can beat. Be you greeny yellow thick cream or curdled cottage cheese I love all your varieties*. The more the better. I was even slightly disappointed to have clear skin as a teenager- the rare “time of the month” spot would bring great joy.
I know I am not alone in this disgusting addiction. I have
favourited seen many a YouTube pusporn video and you only have to “sound klaxon” on mumsnet for many other pustastic fans to come scuttling out from their stores of magnesium sulphate paste and sterilised needles.
But yes I bet you are wondering what has prompted me to admit this shameful secret- well partly isn’t the first step admitting you have a problem? (incidentally why isn’t there a PAA- pus addicts anonymous?) but the real reason I am writing this is it turns out that my “Dear Sweat” post illness was caused by a Nasty breast infection – mastitis. I only realised this when I squeezed a load of your gross loveliness right out of my boob! Of course I have had to go and get antibiotics to kick you back into touch for Omble’s sake (poor mite must be getting pus flavoured breastmilk but am assured I can, nay must, feed her off the infected side) but in the meantime I have had a whale of a time squeezing what is effectively the world’s biggest & best spot. Have had so much pus-y fun, it cheered me up no end and made me feel so much better. I am sure it hastened my recovery. In fact I was somewhat disappointed you ran out so quickly- now I have sore boobs from squeezing them so much and despite hitting myself in the eye with breastmilk on several occasions I am ceasing to get any pus yield at all. My pus mine has run dry.
So for now it’s back to watching videos on YouTube of boil lancing, spot squeezing and the odd bit of abscess drainage (new converts start with this one). But one day I know you will return to my body and we can enjoy some quality squeezing time.
P.S please don’t make Oddler&Omble spotty teenagers- I may scar them mentally and physically with this addiction of mine.
*nearly put flavours there- but um no what kind of a freak do you think I am!