Dear Woman of a Certain Age,
Today I have decided to embrace you whole heartedly. I have taken my tongue piercing out and I brought an item of clothing in Marks and Spencers.
I might even use night cream on my face tonight.
“I am 30 (and not getting any younger dear)”, hear me roar*
Lots of love
*before choking on my tears at the loss of my former youthful identity.
Dear Tongue Piercing- Farewell,
I can barely type this through the tears. Me and you have been attached for 12 years now- you have stuck with me through good times and bad, but now it is time for us to live apart, for you are affecting my gums and the dentist is worried. I did exchange the metal you for plastic about 8 years ago to protect my teeth as much as possible but there comes a time were I cannot risk becoming a toothless old hag just because I like wearing you.
I suppose now I am 30, married with two kids, I should grow up and embrace the twinset and pearls (noooooooo!). You and my Tragus piercing are the last remnants of my mispent youth, where I used to have 20 piercings (yes in all those places that you probably shouldn’t).
Of all my piercings you were my favourite- even if you did cause my mum to shout “Victorian Masturbator” at the top of her voice whenever she caught me playing with you to try and get me to stop. (this was because the Victorian Masturbator was always depicted as a tongue lolling fool! Thanks for being so embarrassing mum).
You were my secret piercing (well apart from the other now defunct secret ones ;)), the one I could get away with in my dayjob working with young people, and the one that would sometimes give me a bit of an edge working with some of the more challenging young people- as with a tongue piercing I was “cool” (despite the distinct lack of coolness in my general attire and general persona!).
Also lets face it- you added a certain frisson when um using your mouth, for like snogging and eating icecream and other fun stuff like that (& am not saying any more than that *blushing furiously*)
So yeah I am really really going to miss you, it is end of an era.
Tongue Lollingly yours
P.S I haven’t taken you out quite yet- might have to make a bit more of an event out of it if you see what I mean.