Dear International Spy Dad,
We have been convinced as to your spy status for years.
Firstly your name was John Smith- if that isn’t a big clue!
Secondly no photos of you exist before you met my mum. At all. It’s like you didn’t exist before her.
Thirdly none of us had ever seen you without a beard, ever. (plus you frequently wore huge glasses and a sunhat- the ultimate disguise.)
Fourthly the frequent foreign holidays on your own. You would be away at least once a month – “retired” my arse.
Fifthly in restaurants you would only sit with your back to the wall facing the door. You said this was so you could see any potential danger.
Sixthly the random stockpiling of food. Did we really need a stacked pallet full of baked beans taller than childhood me during the second gulf war? We only finished them recently – they were like bullets- hang on maybe they were bullets!
Seventhly when we confronted you with all the evidence of your “spyness” you laughed and then swiftly hissed at us never ever to tell anyone.
Eighthly you died on the 31st January – me mum and bro miss you so so so much but we are all secretly convinced you have somehow faked your own death and are dashing about saving the world. This comforts us.
Bye dad- just throwing this out there just in case HQ can get a message to you. I guess if this blog post disappears it was all true and they are anxious you don’t get found out. Hope it doesn’t put you in any danger.
We love you and miss you but don’t worry about us- we are supporting each other and getting through it. You get on with saving the world.
Lots of love