Dear Jo Malone,
I am writing to complain about your “posh products” and my weird sense of inferiority. For our first wedding anniversary LordCurd whisked me on an amazing suprise weekend away in a posh hotel. So posh it was that yours were the toiletries. So of course I kept them and took them home. “Ooh these will be lovely to use” thought I, “but not just for any old occasion- must be a special occasion, after all these are especially posh products
free from a hotel”
Erm I have now been married to LordCurd for almost 4 years. That is THREE years I have been waiting for a suitably special occasion. Seriously do I think so little of myself that I can’t treat myself everyday? When Omble Curd was born I decided that was the special occasion and took them in my hospital bag
and thus all the midwives thought I was a middle class yummy mummy which I most definitely am NOT. but I have only used the shower gel and shampoo ONCE and still they clutter up my bathroom “because they are Jo Malone and too posh for everyday – only special occasions”. When to be quite honest- I don’t actually think your products are any better than my bog standard “whatever is 2 for price of 1” toiletries, but I have been totally sucked in by your expense and exclusive air. Sigh. What a SUCKER.
So now I am putting my foot down- I WILL use you up until you are gone, because I AM special enough for posh stuff
even if I would never ever buy you myself and because it really is about fucking time.
Lots of toiletry love
P.S I don’t like moisturiser or hand soap (both completely unused albeit at least 3 years old!) – so if anyone wants them- they’re yours if you can tell me in 140 characters why you “deserve them”- one that makes me laugh most wins.