Dear Jo Malone

Dear Jo Malone,

I am writing to complain about your “posh products” and my weird sense of inferiority.  For our first wedding anniversary LordCurd whisked me on an amazing suprise weekend away in a posh hotel.  So posh it was that yours were the toiletries.  So of course I kept them and took them home. “Ooh these will be lovely to use” thought I, “but not just for any old occasion- must be a special occasion, after all these are especially posh products free from a hotel

Erm I have now been married to LordCurd for almost 4 years. That is THREE years I have been waiting for a suitably special occasion. Seriously do I think so little of myself that I can’t treat myself everyday?  When Omble Curd was born I decided that was the special occasion and took them in my hospital bag and thus all the midwives thought I was a middle class yummy mummy which I most definitely am NOT. but I have only used the shower gel and shampoo ONCE and still they clutter up my bathroom “because they are Jo Malone and too posh for everyday – only special occasions”.  When to be quite honest- I don’t actually think your products are any better than my bog standard “whatever is 2 for price of 1” toiletries, but I have been totally sucked in by your expense and exclusive air. Sigh. What a SUCKER.

So now I am putting my foot down- I WILL use you up until you are gone, because I AM special enough for posh stuff even if I would never ever buy you myself and because it really is about fucking time.

Lots of toiletry love


P.S I don’t like moisturiser or hand soap (both completely unused albeit at least 3 years old!) – so if anyone wants them- they’re yours if you can tell me in 140 characters why you “deserve them”- one that makes me laugh most wins.



5 responses to “Dear Jo Malone

  1. Simon got me Jo Malone for Christmas and keeps getting cards offering a free gift – a complimentary hand massage. Seriously – do they honestly think he is going to walk into their London store and say “I’ve come for my free hand massage”?

  2. i *love* the lime basil and mandarin bath oil but despite repeated hints no one in my family ever buys it for me (despite buying it for other members of the family all the time). I decided I would get some in duty free on my way to Hong Kong this year but it turns out that while Edinburgh Airport has a JM concession, Glasgow does not. Pouty.

    When I was about 13 I got my first ever bottle of perfume. I told my mum I was going to save it for special occasions and she firmly told me that this was not the point- that it was for my little bit of special in every day. Also it would go off and then I would be disappointed.

    • Ah I like that “little bit of special everyday” I have perfumes I should wear more of. Am going to adopt that! (in fact they all date back to uni so are probably off!)

  3. I have never used Jo Malone stuff. It always makes me think of “Home Alone” and McCauley Culkin, which sort of distracts from the poshness / makes me imagine you’ll have burglars trying to creep in while you’re wallowing in your posh bath

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