Dear Middle Class Stereotype Magazine,
Leafing through your glossy Sunday colour supplemented pages at the weekend
as I drank my fresh coffee and ate my warm pain au chocolate, and the children frolicked freely outside in their Boden Dresses, I discovered your competition searching for this years Most Stereotypical Middle Class Person to be in with a chance to win that house in the Dordogne.
I simply had to apply:
The answers I checked yes to are as follows:
- Has a cleaner
- Gets milk delivered
- Has organic vegbox
- Goes to the local farmers market most weeks
- Fridge has more than 3 types of cheese in it.
- Balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil are cooked with regularly
- Has a pestle and mortar
- Actually use a pestle and mortar
- Shops in Lidl for the basics but Sainsbury’s or Waitrose for the good stuff.
- Has eco energy providers
- Paper of choice is the Guardian or The Independent
- Subscribes to the Economist but New Internationalist Subscription has lapsed
as found it too depressing
- Refuses to read the Daily Mail unless hears everyone talking about it in which case will but will the feel suitably guilty
- Lives near a good school and is plotting ways to get child in
even though said children are years off attendance
- Any toddler in the house has Houmous or Pesto in their limited verbal repertoire.
- Any mother in the house using terms like “limited verbal repertoire” instead of “words”.
Which gives me a middle class stereotype score of 30. I believe I lost points for writing a letter about the fact I am so embarrassed to be such a middle class stereotype, as apparently I should embrace it,
but I have a class chip on my shoulder. Soz. But yeah please let me win anyway because I really want the French house. After all my children desperately need to learn how to spell Baguette.