Dear Middle Class Stereotype Magazine

Dear Middle Class Stereotype Magazine,

Leafing through your glossy Sunday colour supplemented pages at the weekend as I drank my fresh coffee and ate my warm pain au chocolate, and the children frolicked freely outside in their Boden Dresses, I discovered your competition searching for this years Most Stereotypical Middle Class Person to be in with a chance to  win that house in the Dordogne.

I simply had to apply:

The answers I checked yes to are as follows:

  • Has a cleaner
  • Gets milk delivered
  • Has organic vegbox
  • Goes to the local farmers market most weeks
  • Fridge has more than 3 types of cheese in it.
  • Balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil are cooked with regularly
  • Has a pestle and mortar
  • Actually use a pestle and mortar
  • Shops in Lidl for the basics but Sainsbury’s or Waitrose for the good stuff.
  • Has eco energy providers
  • Paper of choice is the Guardian or The Independent
  • Subscribes to the Economist but New Internationalist Subscription has lapsed as found it too depressing
  • Refuses to read the Daily Mail unless hears everyone talking about it in which case will but will the feel suitably guilty
  • Lives near a good school and is plotting ways to get child in even though said children are years off attendance
  • Any toddler in the house has Houmous or Pesto in their limited verbal repertoire.
  • Any mother in the house using terms like “limited verbal repertoire” instead of “words”.

Which gives me a middle class stereotype score of 30. I believe I lost points for writing a letter about the fact I am so embarrassed to be such a middle class stereotype, as apparently I should embrace it, but I have a class chip on my shoulder. Soz.  But yeah please let me win anyway because I really want the French house. After all my children desperately need to learn how to spell Baguette.

Yours Sincerely


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