Dear ProChoice Mummy

Dear ProChoice Mummy,

I had a bit of a silly little wobbly today about my abortion letters going next to my baby letters on my bloglist.  There are reasons for this:

Two of the most horrific things said to me by pro-lifers about my pro-choice stance have gone too close to the bone.

“you support baby’s brains being cut out with scissors”

At the time of that one, I was in the height of PTSD from Oddler who was a forceps delivery with suspect brain damage, so understandably I was in absolute bits after that one. (However late term abortion (ie. when a foetus could be potentially viable outside of the womb and actually considered a baby) is LESS THAN 1% of ALL abortions, and usually only carried out in exceptional circumstances- more often than not when the foetus has a condition not compatible with life or a life without considerable suffering- and given a lack of doctors qualified in late term abortions in the UK, many late term abortions are now in fact inductions, therefore using such a horrific graphic statement as if it is FACT about ALL abortions is a deliberately vile tactic to try and silence people and scare people away from saying they are prochoice).

“Look your unborn baby in the eye once she is born and tell her you supported murdering of ones like her “

Said when I was 7months pregnant with Omble. 😦  This didn’t make me sad, this made me angry. Omble was incredibly wanted especially after I lost one of my fallopian tubes and thought I might never have another child.   To use my beautiful wanted baby girl to try and silence me from supporting other women and their right to choose what to do in a crisis pregnancy, really pissed me off.  My mummy hackles were raised and you know what?  I will look my beautiful girls in the eye and tell them I am so proud of them and how wanted they were and how that no matter what they always have a choice if faced with a crisis pregnancy and I will always support them. So there.

Having things like that said to you can shake your pro-choice convictions to the core, especially if you have ever been pregnant or had a child (for some reason I am way way more sensitive post children than I ever was pre-children- the stupidest things can have me in tears).   So I have worries about my stance as a Pro-Choice Mummy as I was pondering whether I need  to keep my pro-choice activism separate from my baby and toddler obsessed life, because I don’t want to invite such foul and vitriolic comments towards my beautiful and very much wanted babies.

Thing is that is EXACTLY what the pro-life movement are banking on. They want to guilt mothers into not standing up for abortion rights, because if they are “good” mothers they shouldn’t be advocating “killing innocent children”.  Arguments about when life begins aside, abortion is actually statistically safer for a woman than pregnancy and birth (link), and pregnancy and motherhood is the hardest and most difficult thing I have ever experienced, and I desperately wanted my kids- I would never in a million years want a woman to be forced to go through with that experience unwillingly.  All that can create is desperately unhappy unwanted children/mothers or worse.

So I am writing to you dear Pro Choice Mummy to remind you to be proud in your pro-choice convictions. It has absolutely no bearing on you as a mother apart from maybe making you even more empathetic and compassionate.  Stand up for what you believe and bring your bumps, babies and toddlers along with you on your pro-choice marches so they can learn about the importance of fighting for their rights from a young age (especially bring ones like Omble as she is the master of the dirty protest! ;)).

ProChoice Mama’s don’t be silent, stand up and shout!

Lot’s of love



13 responses to “Dear ProChoice Mummy

  1. Pro-lifers do not give a crap about cute little babies once they are born to poor families, so why do they pretend to care before?

  2. I had an abortion. After I was a mummy. Actually mostly because I was a mummy. I found out I was pregnant just after my husband ran off with someone else. We had a 3 year old and I knew I couldn’t be a good mum to her, and a newborn all while depressed about my marriage break down. I wanted to give the child I already had the best of me. Wasn’t an easy choice, but it was the right choice. I have subsequently had further children, and will not forget the one I chose not to have. I think we all have the right to choose, and I knew what I was doing. I do not regret the path I took. But every time i see/hear pro- choice arguments it does upset me. I made my decision based on love and what was right at the time. Pro-life’s emotive accusations are unfair on those faced with difficult choices, and as you rightly point out are often not relevant to early abortion which is what the majority of women go through. Am opting not to post with my name not thru shame but for privacy of others involved.

  3. I, for a time, was a born again Christian, which I do not regret and still have faith. When I was swept up into it all I learnt about the pro life movement…..and was horrified. I listened to talks about how there were no mistakes, and even if you were raped you had to carry that baby.

    I honestly believe the good Lord made us with free will and determination, and none of us have a right to choose for the other. I may not have had a termination, it may not be MY choice, but I 100% defend the right of all women to make their own decisions.

    As the mother of a 27 weeker we often, as premmie mums, get swept into conversations about lowering gestational age for terminations, which upsets me greatly, the two issues are very seperate to me.

    • Thankyou for commenting. Must be hard to get dragged into conversations like that 😦
      It’s interesting isn’t it that most of the pro-life lobby are not focusing their energies on finding preventative cures for miscarriage (25% of pregnancies end in MC) or techniques to save more premature babies etc. Saving desperately wanted babies seems much more worthwhile.

  4. I was going to hit the “like” button but it didn’t seem appropriate considering the subject. Would like to have a “support” button or “respect” button for this post.

  5. I completely agree. I can’t ever see myself having an abortion/termination but I completely support women who make that choice, a choice based on their own circumstances and a decision, I doubt, taken lightly. Women and families need better support all round to hopefully lower the rate of unwanted pregnancies not condemnation. Great point in your comments on funding research into late miscarriage and premature births.
    Having said I wouldn’t take that step myself, I say that whilst in a happy marriage surrounded by a supportive family.
    I don’t know if I could put my child through a short life of immense suffering if they were affected by a horrible life-limiting disease.

    • Yes I’m exactly the same as you especially re. last comment. It’s a choice I hope I never have to make but I would make it if I felt it was best for all our circumstances. Which is why we need to fight for the choice to always be available for women whatever their own circumstances.

      • People who are quick to judge assume abortions are acts of hate when they are actually, I should imagine on the whole, acts of love for the foetus and those affected by an unwanted pregnancy/desperately ill baby. This would most definitely be the case for me should I ever be unfortunate enough to have to make such a decision.

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