Dear Breast Size Obsession

Dear Breast Size Obsession,

Wow the Good Men Project currently has everyone up in arms (um what does “up in arms” actually mean?- have to admit I am now envisioning Barbara Windsor in Carry on Camping but I suspect that isn’t it) about breast size.  Any I’m particularly loving these posts from @Glosswitch, @SarahDitum and @Nathan Ditum and @Ropestoinfinity, and always being one to love a good boobie bandwagon I decided to add my two pennorth as I have a UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE on this. (well okay not that unique but one that maybe hasn’t been blogged about yet so thought I would scribble some thoughts down).

My UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE is I have been both a big breasted woman and a smaller breasted woman thanks to a breast reduction 11 years ago where I went from a whopping 34HH to a 36D (sometimes DD) with a whopping 7lbs of breast tissue removed (yes that is like the weight of a baby, yes I did have posture issues mainly from hunching trying to hide em, yes I had permanent grooves in my shoulders from my bra straps rubbing and yes it wasn’t fun).

Ok so I have hardly gone to fried egg/mosquito bites/less than a handful (and other offensive terms for “lesser of breast” than me, but I have gone possibly smaller than ideal for my large frame (I’m tall with childbearing hips- for balance I probably should have stayed a cup size or two bigger as now my pot belly is nicely exposed as an “is she preggers?” pot belly, instead of being comfortably hidden by my massive dangling jugs/melons/bazookas (and other offensive terms), but heck I’ve had two kids and I’m rather proud of the story it tells (actually it more tells a story of ginger cake addiction as my pot belly is same size as it was before I was ever preggers, if not a fair bit smaller, but it seems more romantic to say it’s due to kids not cake. Ahem.)

So now I need to share my experience of men with my boobs of both sizes. I started to develop aged about 8- by about 14 was when it really kicked off in terms of the name calling- I was frequently reduced to everything about me being about my breastsize and despite being a virgin I was OBVIOUSLY a SLAG.

Almost 16 and I got my first ever boyfriend, now he had an ex girlfriend, and at one point whilst trying to decide whether to dump me and go back to her- the charming specimen wrote a pro’s and cons list about both of us.  I found this list.  Top of my pro’s list was JUGS in capitals- she only had lowercase positives (including “white tights” WTF!?)- the CAPITAL LETTERS apparently meant that I was better to stick with.  I was livid. He thought I’d be pleased. Funnily enough he turned out not to be the love of my life.

At college going out clubbing with my boobs was fun, I was a goth- I had to get a corset specially made as there wasn’t a hope in hell of one fitting a size 14 waist and size 22 breast size without either being obscene or look ridiculous.  My cleavage could hold two beer bottles safely and comfortably which obviously made me the ideal friend to help get the round in.  I embraced my boobs during this time- got my nipples pierced and rather enjoyed their traffic stopping qualities even if it did mean I got letched far on more than was fair by drunken idiots who would only talk to my breasts and not my face (to be fair non drunk idiots would do that too but they were slightly more subtle about it- they usually remembered to make eye contact occasionally too.)

Me as a goth in my made to measure corset. They don't look too horrendously big in this pic- in RL in that corset they did!

But by the time I had got to university I had had enough of them, I had had enough of having to wear tents because nothing else would fit my boobs, and resultant “when is your baby due?” comments. My self esteem hit rock bottom (I went to university with a lot of skinny normal sized breasted girls which wasn’t case in my overweight hometown!) and I decided to go for the breast reduction. There was no question I would have got it done on the NHS given how out of proportion they were but the waiting list was three years and I was going insane- so my amazing parents agreed to pay for me to have the procedure done privately (as it happens by a man who had recently moved to our village- that was embarrasing!).

I had the operation over the summer and when I returned to university that October it really was like I was a different person.  My confidence grew, and it was so odd to finally have men in bars talk to my face and not my chest (although as we have already established I’m a minger, I possibly was better at pulling when I had big boobs and not small ones- dam them actually having to look at my face! Arf! this is a lie I look like Julia Roberts me).   It was amazing to finally be able to wear clothes that fitted properly and not be so insecure about such a prominent part of my body.  Sometimes I used to wonder if I had worked on my self esteem instead then maybe I wouldn’t have gone for the surgery- but ultimately my self esteem is in a zillion times better place than where it was before the surgery, and although I now have hideously scarred boobs (big thick keloid ones) and a wonky non functioning nip I am happier than I have ever been about my body- I mean my perky surgically enhanced boobs will never fail the pencil test again. (As an aside I learned there is a gold standard nipple size that surgeons tend to use- so my nips are the most visually pleasing in proportion size apparently- hah!).  Post reduction I have to be honest and say I did get a minor obsession with my post belly as it was now the “prominent” thing but now I don’t really give a fuck about that either.  Ultimately I now feel pretty happy in my own scarred wobbly bits skin and ultimately I don’t think I would have got here without the surgery and the love of a good man who finds me sexy exactly how I am.

Anyhow I am digressing a bit (you know how I love to talk about breasts after all.) but what I am trying to say is with hindsight I am amazed how obsessed men get with boobies of any size (I’m just going to point out that all the boy babies I know have been boob mad bottle refusers and incredibly hard to wean off the breast and then I am going to say Oedipus, and leave you to draw your own conclusions).  I had a tougher time as a big breasted woman although I was definitely more successful with men (most probably because they assumed I was easy? Sigh.) and I much prefer being a smaller breasted one.

If only I had met LordCurd before I had the reduction then I could finish my rambly letter about the size of my breasts with a point proving anecdote to counter Mark Radcliffe’s “If the guy you’re with thinks you need different breasts, maybe you just need a different guy.” (as lets face it all he was saying there was you need to find a guy who likes small breasts not big ones” instead of anything useful like ultimately breast size is completely irrelevant in a decent loving relationship) but sadly I didn’t meet LordCurd when I had big boobs so I cannot share this- in fact I might wander off and ask him if he would still love me with massive hooters in a stereotyical neurotic body image obsessed womanly fashion.

Laters taters


P.S Dear heterosexual blokes- um I think the rambly point I was actually trying to make here is stop reducing women and their “attractiveneness” to the size of a part of their anatomy – I mean it’s not like we do it with your cocks is it? You just do that to yourselves. Fools.


15 responses to “Dear Breast Size Obsession

  1. Reading your bit about LordCurd, it crossed my mind that when I met my partner, he had already “come out” as asexual and the thing that he claims “re-ruded” him was me arriving at the pub in a tight jumper, having been riding my bike on what was a pretty cold day. Not sure why I’m revealing this or what it might mean. But hey, any chance to talk tits.
    PS the goth picture – love the corset but I would have been scared of you!

    • haha you make me giggle – me and @missmolecules (my best mate) were saying you’d be the sort of lady we’d like a drink with- come for a drink sometime (tight jumper and bike rides optional!) . I’m non-scary these days btw if it helps.. Oh and I’m typing this with a babysat on a breastfeeding pilllow in cleavage using my breasts to stop her rolling each side- not sure what that means either.

  2. inagainoutagain

    Dear LadyCurd, I am especially giggling at your PS. I await a forthcoming post of yours on the subject of men and their cocks and the myth that we women actually care about the size of anything whatsoever down their trousers. I could write one myself but I am off to the vets right now and anyway I often enjoy reading your posts more than I enjoy writing mine.
    Love, Lady (French) Mustard who today really is In again out again. x x x

    • There totally HAS to be a dear cocksize now – but I wimped out of my Dear Cock posts- did you see I changed it to gendered insults! Maybe I shall be a more refined lady and call them Penises- Penii? What the feck is the plural!? Enjoy the vets. x

      • inagainoutagain

        I like Penii. Reminds me of cactii. I loved your Dear Cock posts. The vets was an absolute ball. I am now covered in labrador hair and resemble a yeti. Plural: yetii.

  3. “P.S Dear heterosexual blokes- ”

    Lesbian women need not apply? Because in the discussion, a few lesbian ladies admitted how much they like boobs too, how how sometimes, it’s hard to talk to the face, not the chest.

    “um I think the rambly point I was actually trying to make here is stop reducing women and their “attractiveneness” to the size of a part of their anatomy”

    First off, I want to be clear, I agree with the assertion that marks post did objectify. He associated breast size with personality types and a number of other meh things. That said, it also needs to be made clear that an appreciation and attraction to a particular physical attribute isn’t a bad thing, it’s when that attribute becomes the only thing that matters that it becomes bad. Too many women have stopped making that distinction, and despite all the effort women put into their looks, insist a woman should be treated as an amorphous consciousness without physical form, and I really don’t think women want that any more then men. After all, you admit yourself you liked the attention until it got old and far too consistently focused on breasts alone.

    ” – I mean it’s not like we do it with your cocks is it? You just do that to yourselves. Fools.”

    Because size matters/doesn’t matter conversations have never taken place, nope nope nope.

    • Thankyou for commenting, I like boobs as much as the next lesbian, in fact I’ve been known to joke in the past my perfect bloke would be one with boobs (but I married a skinny bloke sigh) but I do think there is a distinction to how a lesbian deals with being breast obsessed (I hang out with alot of lesbian women, both pre and post reduction, and have never once had “show us your tits” or been groped unwantedly or even felt like they were looking at my boobs not my face when talking to me) and how some (not all) heterosexual males deal with it. Also given demographically there are far more heterosexual males than lesbians in society that is why my ramble focused on them more. But apologies for not being inclusive ;).

      Re. Attractiveness- you might want to read the dear makeup letter too. I do think there are issues with how much women focus on appearance too much to attract a partner rather than cultivating a winning personality or what not- that’s a societal issue. Do they do it because men expect it? Or because their peer women expect it? Attractiveness as a trait is somehow seen as far more important and valued in women than men (although not saying it isn’t seen as important by men and about men- obviously I prefer James McAvoy to Michael Gove 😉 ). I don’t disagree with you on that so much.

      Re. Cock size. Yes women have a “does size matter? conversation” occasionally no denying it but genuinely the fact we are still asking the question (and the answer is usually no not so much) shows we are not as obsessed about penis size as males who seem to have already come to the conclusion it does matter and don’t even ask the question. Or am I completely wrong in that?

      • I don’t disagree that the way men and lesbian’s see boobs might be somewhat different… after all, men don’t have their own set, so they are something more for straight men then lesbian’s. As to lesbian’s not asking to grope you etc…do you really have (straight) male friends asking to do those things? I as a male would never think to ask, let alone do without asking.

        “Do they do it because men expect it? Or because their peer women expect it? ”

        Why must there be an expectation, let alone one from an external source? I like to cook. I cook some extravagant meals from time to time. I don’t do it because it’s expected from me, but I do know others who get to share in the meal appreciate it. Is it not possible that women do the makeup thing, not because men or women expect it from them, but because it makes them feel good, it makes them feel more attractive and feeling more attractive makes them feel more confident (do women not wear sexy underwear for this same purpose, even though they have no intentions of showing it off to co-workers?)? Do men have to expect it from women to appreciate it? Do men really appreciate it, because I know a lot of guys who like natural looks? The dating game is a competition with other members of your own gender, does it not stand to reason that doing things that give you an advantage, whether those things are expected or not, would be encouraged? I hear all the time that women don’t care if their man is rich, but men strive for wealth all the same, even when that wealth requires them to sacrifice so much to maintain.

        I should also point out, in Victorian era, men also used make-up. So why were men able to dispense and women were not? Or is it that women CHOOSE not to dispose of it?

        “are not as obsessed about penis size as males who seem to have already come to the conclusion it does matter and ”

        Not sure if you’re referring to males who have already come to the conclusion that penis size or breast size does matter? Because it seems to me men view breast size the same as women view penis’ and women view breast size the way that women view penis’. Ie, the gender that has them have more hangups on size then those that don’t, though given the “out there” quality of breasts vs the less pronounced nature of a man’s package, it isn’t surprising which gets more conversation. That said, I have sat in on a number of “girl talks”, back when I was silent and easily forgotten, and the talk isn’t so tame as some people lead us men to believe.

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  6. “do you really have (straight) male friends asking to do those things?”

    Why do they have to be friends? They’re still hetero men, right? That’s who we’re talking about, right?

    “I as a male would never think to ask, let alone do without asking.”

    Bingo. *You* would never do it and the sort of guys that would do it are never going to do it in front of you, so you have no experience of it.

    I am a woman with an average chest and I have been groped, experienced inappropriate comments, over long stares and “requests” for touching. This is my reality, so I am very careful to hide my chest under lots of layers of clothes so no one says I am “asking for it”. It still happens, whatever I do.

    A quarter of the time, the guy means it as a sort of a compliment, I guess. But three-quarters of the time, it’s quite aggressive. It’s a sort of a way to get the other guys in the group to see my aggressor as a dominant male, I think. I don’t even think it has much to do with lust. I’m just a passive outlet for his show of strength.

    When it happens, I have no choice but to get to safety, as submissively as possible, because I am in very serious danger. Once a man threatened to glass me and my friend because we didn’t want to talk to him.

    So even when it’s the genuine attempted compliment-guy, it is very frightening in case he switches. I simply don’t have time to take these people on a case by case basis because it can become incredibly dangerous very quickly.

    I’m sorry but I’m going to call bs on “lesbians and straight men react to boobs differently because lesbians already have boobs”. The reason I don’t grope/stare at the boobs of attractive women is not because I can admire my own breasts whenever I want but because it is wrong to objectify a human being and inappropriate touching/staring is threatening.
    It’s a show of dominance, like with chimps. The lucky recipients of my affections are not some beta female… they are an equal. What’s wrong with a subtle appreciative glance? Both sexes can do it and it doesn’t hurt anyone!

  7. “Why do they have to be friends? They’re still hetero men, right? That’s who we’re talking about, right?”

    I presumed when you said “I hang out with alot of lesbian women, both pre and post reduction, and have never once had…” you were implying that you have never had lesbian friends do that. I may have inappropriately equated “hang out with” to mean “friends”, but that is my reason for limiting it to friends. because I don’t think it’s reasonable to limit the comparison to lesbians you hang out with vs all men everywhere.

    “Bingo. *You* would never do it and the sort of guys that would do it are never going to do it in front of you, so you have no experience of it.”

    I need to ask then, if my friends are concious about my unwillingness to do so, and so are unwilling to do it to someone else (not even me) in front of me, that would suggest that ether 1: you are the kind of person who would accept it, and your friends pick up on that, 2: your choice in friends is abysmal given that they don’t seem to care about your feelings, or 3: you are attempting to dismiss my point while holding yourself up as an authority.

    “The reason I don’t grope/stare at the boobs of attractive women is not because I can admire my own breasts whenever I want ”

    Should I go *BINGO* “YOU”? Just to set the record straight, 1: Other lesbians HAVE said they oogle breasts, much like men do, and I believe that. Breasts are a sexualized part of the female body, and there is no avoiding that. 2: you misrepresented what I said by implying the having vs not having was the entirety of why they view them differently. I merely said I can believe they don’t view them exactly the same because …3: You seem to be living life in fear of “male dominance”. Might want to work on acquiring your own agency instead of allowing yourself to be something dominated by any Tom Dick or Henrietta that crosses your path.

    I’m tired of the feminist dominance dogma. It could be argued you married a skinny bloke to exercise your own dominance to compensate, it wouldn’t surprise me, because you clearly have a hangup on it. Regardless, I won’t be replying back

    • Hi Mark, You seem to have been confusing me with Etellerandet who was also replying to you. Rather than confuse you further- I’ll just say “what she said” as she is putting it far far better than I ever could.

  8. Mark,
    Psst, I’m a different person from the blogger.
    I think the reason that LadyCurd said “Lesbians I hang out with never do that” is because no woman has ever groped her but she only knows which of those women are lesbians if they are friends… hence “my lesbian friends haven’t…” She is comparing all lesbians with all hetero men.

    I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick… I get attacked by strangers. And they are all strange hetero men. Not a one of them was lesbian.

    You are a man who would never do it. Your friends are men that would never do it. That does not mean that there are no men that do it, that’s a crazy leap of logic, there, Mark.

    Of course I am an authority on how many times I have been sexually assaulted by heterosexual men. Why on earth do you think your imagination of how men behave trumps my actual experiences… how strange!

    Well, I don’t ogle breasts. Many some lesbians do, who knows. Forgive me for being suspicious of your anecdote.
    You’re weathercocking somewhat here. First you claim that lesbians and hetero men behave differently and now you’re saying they behave the same. Can we both agree that individuals behave in different ways in different situations?

    You might be tired of the feminist dominance dogma. I’m tired of being sexually assaulted and verbally abused, myself. I’ll stop going on about how some men want to show their sexual dominance like monkeys as soon as they stop (literally and metaphorically), waving their dicks at me and screeching.

    I am working on acquiring my own agency by trying to co-opt you as an ally. You’re a man who would never ever grope a woman. I need you to get the other guys to stop doing it, please. You can start by examining your own beliefs about what is and isn’t appropriate to do to a part of a human’s body (sexualised or not) and stop excusing the men who attack me with the excuse they pick up on that I would accept it and I have a poor choice in friends.

    I haven’t married any man, so, your parting blow is a bit a wet fart, sorry Mark. I love it when people flounce off the internet, it is so dramatic. ❤

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