Dear Nipples of Steel,
Today someone found my blog using the search term “Nipple Torture”. Of course ultra paranoid me decided to assume this was obviously some psychopathic stalking torturer type who was going to track me and my nipples down. Then I remembered- I have NIPPLES OF STEEL thanks to breastfeeding two babies (well once the nip crack finally healed) so they would have a job causing me any pain.
(But please Mr (or Mrs- I’m not sexist) psychopathic nipple torturing stalker type please don’t really come and find me and torture me or my nips, I’m kind of attached to them,
well re-attached now the right one has stopped hanging off by a thread, as I don’t think it would be all much fun well not without a safeword and a mutually respectful trusting consensual relationship. Or Something.
So yes dear nipples of steel- thankyou for protecting me from nipple torturing weirdos. You are like an inbuilt female cod-piece or cricket box nipple equivalent! In fact I might have to buy you these Fresh Vegan-Friendly Beaded Nipple Huggers as a reward.
Lots of niptastic love
P.S This post was totally inspired by the lovely @tlyegirl2012 who also suggested I write a 50Shades of Grey triology with “Nipples of Steel” being book one (oooh watch this space for books 2&3) . We also agreed Angelina Jolie is to play
with my Nipples of Steel in the film adaptation. RAWR!