Dear Twitter

  1. Dear Twitter, Just for fun I am going to write you 140 letters of 140 characters long exactly each. This confirms me as an addict Love LadyC
  2. Dear Twitter, The reason I’m doing this is because this is my 140th letter & tweet can have maximum 140letters. META. Lots of Love LadyCurd
  3. Dear Twitter, It’s actually harder than it looks to write a tweet of EXACTLY 140 characters & still have it convey what you want. Love LadyC
  4. Dear Twitter, Have you ever read Dan Rhodes: Anthropology- 101 stories of 101 words each? My favourite book. This isn’t as clever. Luv LadyC
  5. Dear Twitter, In fact I am only 5tweets in and getting pretty bored now. Why did I think 140 of these would be a good idea? Lots of love LCx
  6. Dear Twitter, I write literally 100’s of tweets every single day, time that may have been better spent on completing my masters? Love LadyCx
  7. Dear Twitter, I love that I have made so many wonderful caring friends by joining you. You are awesome. Lots of Love LadyCompleteAddictCurdx
  8. Dear Twitter, Have also learned phenomenal amount of things thanks to people tweeting fascinating links I wouldn’t have seen otherwise. LCxx
  9. Dear Twitter, I also get to keep abreast of my career and the news in a way I wouldn’t ever have been able to otherwise. So thanks. Love LCx
  10. Dear Twitter, Wonder if anyone is going to be sad enough to check character count on each of these letters to prove they’re ALL 140? From LC
  11. Dear Twitter, They really are all 140characters long, I wrote them in twitter just to check then I was careful not to press send. From LadyC
  12. Dear Twitter, You’ve probably noticed that by changing how I sign off my letters is nicely making my letters stick to wordcount. Love LadyCx
  13. Dear Twitter, Think this confirms this 140 letters within 140letters of 140letters is actually #notthatclever. Oh Dear. Love Lady Curd xxxxx
  14. Dear Twitter, Do you think I could get away with writing 14 tweet letters and asking people to multiply by 10 & imagine the rest? Love LadyC
  15. Dear Twitter, Feck I think the last few tweet letters confirm me as a sad loon. Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this post at all? Love LadyCurd
  16. Dear Twitter, Oh fuck that was 15 tweets, now I need to continue. 125 to go. Are you getting fed up yet?  I possibly am. Sigh. Love LadyCurd
  17. Dear Twitter, The crucial question is what did you have for breakfast? I had coffee and jammy toast. Lot’s of love Lady Curd. P.S. Nomnomnom
  18. Dear Twitter, Actually the important thing to discuss is #leveson or #govemustgo or #webelieveyou or other important hashtags. Love LadyCurd
  19. Dear Twitter, But really I only want to know what you had for breakfast and what you are up to today. I’m sorry I’m nosey like that. Love LC
  20. Dear Twitter, I think I must be a proper addict to be carrying on with this labour of love for you. It’s a bit sad really Love LadyLoserCurd
  21. Dear Twitter, I love how you can ask a question of you and within minutes you will have your answer. I’m too lazy too google. Love Lady Curd
  22. Dear Twitter, I have made some of my best friends & worst enemies (accidentally- there was a bit of a fuck up) via your site. Love LadyCurdx
  23. Dear Twitter, I’m struggling a bit to write these mini letters to you now and I still have over 100 to go. Sigh. This was a bad idea. LoveLC
  24. Dear Twitter, I’ve had a great idea, why don’t I ask twitter to join in with my letter writing. I think I will write a tweet. Love Lady Curd
  25. Dear Twitter, If anyone is addicted to twitter as me and would like to contribute to my next letter please DM me. I NEED HELP. Love LadyCurd
  26. Dear Twitter, Please please help. I may have bitten off more than I can chew with this next letter and I need help! #teameffort Love LadyC x
  27. Dear Twitter, You bunch of buggers, there’s me going about how helpful you are & none of you feckers are offering to help. Humph. Love LC xx
  28. Dear Twitter, Okay now I feel like a twit, offers of help are now flooding in. Patience is a virtue and whatnot. Sorry. Love Lady Curd xxxxx
  29. Dear Twitter, Evil LadyCurd keeps distracting me from my trying to mark work while home sick. 140 characters is really quite long. Love Loki
  30. @13loki haha sorry but you love procrastination? &shh not on here should be via DM or email until the big reveal. #twitterloveletter LadyCxx
  31. Dear Twitter, Thanks to you the letters are coming in thick & fast now & I am not so bored writing this letter as I was. Phew. Love LadyCurd
  32. Dear Twitter, I suppose you think this is lazy of me not completing my #labouroflove properly, but you know it shows ability to delegate.LCx
  33. Dear Twitter, Also I mean what better way to write a love letter to twitter than to throw it open to the #twitterhivemind. #compliment LadyC
  34. Dear Twitter thank you for creating a situation where I have to explain to family members what the hell a hashtag is yours embarrassed Aimee
  35. Dear Twitter the trending topics keep me informed of popular things but most of them I don’t understand and they make me feel old from Aimee
  36. Dear Twitter you are the perfect place to stalk celebrities but you also make it quicker to realise that they are still ignoring me! X Aimee
  37. Dear Twitter you have got me into another Internet argument that is never ending and I have been banned by Liam again! See you next week Mai
  38. Dear Twitter you are the best place to ask useless parenting questions like why has Eben unrolled all the loo roll into the bath? Cheers Mai
  39. Dear Twitter, you are also excellent to tweet pictures like this. To point out the dangers of a silent toddler. LadyC x
  40. Dear Twitter, The above letter may appear to have less than 140 characters. This is because attaching a picture uses up characters. Love LCx
  41. Dear Twitter, Like I said before EVERY single one of these letters to you is EXACTLY 140 characters long. I’m sad like that. Love Lady Curdx
  42. Dear Twitter did you know you are the next best weather report after looking out of my own window keep up the good work!! love from Aimee xx
  43. Dear Twitter you made me waste the morning again reading different parenting articles resulting in Eben getting his own breakfast from Aimee
  44. Dear Twitter you make me realise that I’m not the only mum in the world with a tornado for a toddler and that I still love him from Aimee xx
  45. Dear Twitter the best place to declare my total obsession for Donald Draper and you do not care that he is a fictional character! from Aimee
  46. Dear Twitter I try and sound funny and clever but then my phone autocorrects my tweets and I look like an idiot 😦 sincerely red faced Aimee
  47. Dear Twitter, Aimee has now given up realising how hard these letters are to write. She wrote 10 in an hour. I have 90 left. Love LadyCurd x
  48. Dear Twitter, You know when you start something thinking it will be a good idea then realise it isn’t? That. Bugger. #boredboredbored Lady C
  49. Dear Twitter, Phew @DrDav has stepped into the breach. Phew less bored now as we fast forward past 50. Thanks lovely. Lots of love Lady Curd
  50. Dear Twitter. I blame you for my reduced workrate. Since we started our affair I spend hours daily reading trivia from unknown people. DrDav
  51. Dear Twitter, And worse – all those people I follow (or should that be stalk?) – I now feel like I know them much better than I do. LuvDrDav
  52. Dear Twitter, You know that I’ve taken to going up the them in real life, don’t you? ‘Hi’ I say, ‘I’m DrDav. From Twitter.’ Is that bad? DrD
  53. Dear Twitter, And perhaps worse, I’ve googled people. Just to see what they do, and where they work. But it’s not stalking, really, is it? D
  54. Dear Twitter. Some people are good at going incognito on twitter. Not me. I’m easy to find, never could create a good avatar either. LvDrDav
  55. Dear Twitter. I wonder if that says something deep about me. Something about being true to myself. Or perhaps just a lack of imagination. Dx
  56. Dear Twitter one of my fave things about you is watching events unfold in real time. Like 24 but without Jack Bauer. Lots of love LadyCurd x
  57. Dear Twitter, I love #twitterlivebirth’s, I tweeted my last birth & blogged it & now I am glued to #bobopop LadyCurd xx
  58. Dear Twitter, I am very sorry to have excited you over#bobopop prematurely. It’s incredibly frustrating. Soon though, soon. love amberanima
  59. Dear Twitter, I appear to have co-oped S into my middle of the night snack. Peanut butter foldovers, bananas & milk. Nom nom nom. Love anima
  60. Dear Twitter, why does my cat anticipate events &start refusing his medication, thus prompting a vet trip & enema? Stopid/clever kitteh. Ani
  61. Dear Twitter, what is it w me &my milk problem? Why is there never enough in the bottle, it always runs out? Why do I feel queasy now? Anima
  62. Dear Twitter, since I first wrote to you, I’ve had some contractions. But don’t get too excited, I’m probably just teasing again. Love anima
  63. Dear Twitter, how do I stop Trouble the kitteh from sleeping in the Moses basket, without making him feel pushed out by the baby? Love anima
  64. Dear Twitter, on 2nd thoughts, Trouble is so cute in the basket we’ll get a cardboard box for the baby instead. Which T will then prefer.. A
  65. Dear Twitter. I’m curious. Do you sit back & chuckle at the naughtiness the anonymity you offer encourages? Lots of love and innocence MissM
  66. Dear Twitter. I love the fact that you are the great leveller. Class, colour, professional prominence & power are all irrelevant. Love MissM
  67. Dear Twitter, I am not even fucking half way. Whose crazy idea was this? Stupid woman. 80 more to go. #ivestartedsoillfinish. Love LadyCurdx
  68. Dear Twitter, Thanks to you my children think I have a small white gadget permanently attached to my hand #badmummy Lots of love MissM xxxxx
  69. Dear Twitter, Thanks to you, it now takes me twice as long to finish anything involving my laptop. I simply can’t resist your wiles. MissM x
  70. Dear Twitter, a colleague said she was desperate to return to work post baby for “adult conversation”. Thank you for gap filling! Love Erica
  71. Dear Twitter, of course the irony is I’d never have described a conversation with her using such terms. Banal or pointless maybe. Love Erica
  72. Dear Twitter, since the tv is now permanently showing Cbeebies, you’re the only way I can keep up with vital news (and #kittens). Love Erica
  73. Dear twitter, it would be lovely if my toddler’s two-hour nap could be spent doing something useful, but you keep distracting me. Love Erica
  74. Dear twitter, I love it when I find people from very different parts of my life are following each other. Small terrifying world! Love Erica
  75. Dear Twitter, Lady Curd somehow finds time to write many letters everyday.  I envy her super skills and imagination!  Lots of love _Mushypea
  76. Dear Twitter, I love that whole new concepts have been opened up because of you. Hashtag comedy, passive/aggressive @-signing, and stalking.
  77. Dear Twitter, thanks to you, I’ve been knobbled by LadyCurd. I got sucked in because she used to be a scary goth & I’m a coward. Love Msissa
  78. Dear Twitter, I always get very excited when I do a tweet with exactly 140 characters but today the magic is eluding me. Bother. Love Msissa
  79. Dear Twitter, Ha! Looks like I tricked you with that last one *preens furiously* Actually, I don’t want to trick you #stillpals? Love Msissa
  80. Dear Twitter, so the reason I don’t want to trick you is cos you’re my salvation on those pesky night feeds. When will they end? Love Msissa
  81. Dear Twitter, And when they do end (apparently it happens) will I still have time for you? Ex-boyfriends have said I’m fickle… Love Msissa
  82. Dear Twitter, D’you hear that funny squawky noise? I think it might be my youngest son. What do you think he’s trying to tell me?Love Msissa
  83. Dear @msissa@McLulululu @MisssV @ToddyPeters @_Mushypea @MissMolecules @Impeus @mummamai @amberanima I need 60more Help! Love LadyCurdxxx
  84. Dear @msissa@McLulululu @MisssV @ToddyPeters @_Mushypea @MissMolecules @Impeus @mummamai @amberanima but thx so much for all so far LadyC
  85. Dear Twitter, Ooops sometimes you can be bossy in tweets and not grateful or nice enough. Important to be nice first. D’oh Sorry. Love LadyC
  86. Dear Twitter, well as we are stuck together for the next 54 tweets I think it is time to tell you a story. Once upon a time….Love LadyCurd
  87. Dear Twitter, there was a girl who liked writing letters alot. She wrote them to people far and wide. But not wide people. Love LadyCurd xxx
  88. Dear Twitter, Hang on this letter writer isn’t fattist- she was trying to be funny. She has failed. She is a loser. Love from LadyPCCurd xxx
  89. Dear Twitter, Anyhow one day this girl thought it would be a good idea to celebrate a dirty little secret of hers. Twitter. Love Lady Curd x
  90. Dear Twitter, & as this girl was on her 140th letter she thought it would be a really good idea to write 140 mini letters of 140chars LadyCx
  91. Dear Twitter, Except by about the 15th mini 140char letter she had realised her mistake, but it was too late. Continue she must. Love LadyCx
  92. Dear Twitter, Eventually the girl roped in her twitter friends to help her with the mini letters, which was marvellous& twitter’s purpose.Lx
  93. Dear Twitter, and she included every twitter friend mini letter into her 140letters even if it made the narrative a bit odd. Love Lady Curd
  94. Dear Twitter, who is she trying to kid- there was no narrative in the first place at all. Sadly a lack of planning methinks. Love LadyCurd x
  95. Dear Twitter, I mean had she planned it properly, it could have been a good read. Instead I just feel sorry for the reader. Love LadyCurd xx
  96. Dear Twitter, I mean poor reader- Yes YOU. WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS SHIT. There are 45 more to go. Give up now. Please. Love LadyCurdx
  97. Dear Twitter, but I digress and back to the story. So the girl is typing these mini letters frantically. Not with any quality control. LadyC
  98. Dear Twitter, The reason for the frantic typing is this letter must be published today as tomorrow is an anniversary letter. Love LadyCurd x
  99. Dear Twitter, So if this letter isn’t finished before that scheduled letter is published then that becomes the 140th letter! Love Lady Curdx
  100. Dear Twitter, Which would make this whole sorry exercise A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. NARGH ARGH. Lots of love LadyIdioticProcrastinatorCurd xx
  101. Dear Twitter, At least we are on the home strait now- past 100 mini letters- it’s got to be easier from here on it right? Please? LadyCurd x
  102. Dear Twitter, This mammoth task may have been easier had I not set the 140 characters EXACTLY limit. That is hard. Really Hard. LadyCurd xxx
  103. Dear Twitter, Even though we have established I just change my name to make it fit or the number of kisses. Is that cheating? Love LadyCurdx
  104. Dear Twitter, Ah man now I am repeating boring points letters within other boring letters. This was such a dumb idea. Love LadyStupidCurd xx
  105. Dear Twitter, had I been organised I would have started this and planned this a while ago and it could have been brilliant. Lots of love LCx
  106. Dear Twitter, Instead it is the random outpourings of my brain and it is crap, I’m bored, the reader is bored, and still it continues.LadyCx
  107. Dear Twitter, but can we pretend this letter is making a post modern point about twitter- about how it is 90%guff with 10% cool.Love LadyCxx
  108. Dear Twitter, I’m pretending this letter is still 10% cool but with every passing tweet that 10% is diluted. Sigh Love LadyCantdoMathsCurd x
  109. Dear Twitter, I need to reignite my passion for letter writing, to inspire the reader in awe& wonder. Shall I try for remaining letters? LCx
  110. Dear Twitter, Or shall I just ramble on as I am doing as I drink my cup of tea and play on actual twitter too? #twittervote. Love Lady Curdx
  111. Dear Twitter, I’m not actually going to ask real twitter to do #twittervote as that would give the game away about these twitter letters. LC
  112. Dear Twitter, This is because I thought it is such a cool idea and wanted to do a big reveal. Until I realised it was a shit idea. Lady Curd
  113. Dear Twitter, But I should probably make an effort to finish with a bang and hope people forget the middle and start. Love LadyBangingCurdxx
  114. Dear Twitter, In fact did I finish my story about the girl? Honestly you lot need to keep me on the straight and narrow. HUMPH! Love LadyC x
  115. Dear Twitter, I forgot I am not actually tweeting these so you can’t keep me on the straight and narrow. What a plonker. LadyDoofusCurdiclex
  116. Dear Twitter, Back to the story. This girl tweeted a FUCKLOAD of shit tweets and put them into her blog.  The post was LONG. Love Lady Curdx
  117. Dear Twitter, She was embarrassed to publish “the hardest thing I have ever written” because it showed fuck all writing prowess. Love LadyCx
  118. Dear Twitter, on the plus side she wasn’t sharing TO MUCH INFORMATION about her pus oozing nipples or talking cocks. Phew. Love LadyCurd xxx
  120. Dear Twitter. I can’t fucking count. now we have TWENTY more before we can press send and end this fucking thing. Fed up now. Fucksakes. LCx
  121. Dear Twitter, plus the 10 more tweet was tweetletter 119 not 120 so you really can’t count. meh. Lots of love and maths lessons Lady Curd xx
  122. Dear Twitter, I have a headache now. but I MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST finish you. I am bloody minded like that. Lady Curdx
  123. Dear Twitter, I have had a filler idea- I am going to tweet the links to my favourite letters in my blog, as I would do that in RL. LadyCurd
  124. Dear Twitter, because writing mini twitter letters about twitter about tweeting about letters is a little bit meta? #doesntgetwhatmetais LCx
  125. Dear Twitter, My favourite letter is still Fungus The Bogeyman even though is is a smidge mean. LadyHorriblePersonCurdx
  126. Dear Twitter, I’m also a big fan of ASBO baby and mummy’s all night milk bar #breastfeeding LoveLC
  127. Dear Twitter, My favourite dad letter is Dear International Spy Dad and I miss my dad everyday. Lots of love LadyCurdxx
  128. Dear Twitter, Two letters I’m very proud of is Dear ProChoice Mummy and Dear Abortion Rights LadyC
  129. Dear Twitter, This Oddler letter makes me giggle every time I see it. Lots of Mothertastic BananaKids Love LadyCurd xxx
  130. Dear Twitter, Think I just realised that although I am drafting these letters in twitter, there is an issue because I am not sending. LadyC
  131. Dear Twitter, Twitter is clever and shortens the URL on sending so any of my letters with a URL in are OVER MY WORDCOUNT. Lots of love LadyC
  133. Dear Twitter, Do I go back and change them? Then again this has added a nice bit of excitement to this fecking awful meta letter. LadyCurd x
  134. Dear Twitter, Sod it, leaving it in. Purists amongst you will just have to deal. Write your own 140mini sodding letters if you want.LadyCurd
  135. Dear Twitter, thank gawd, @McLulululu has come back with two more letters so the next two are from her. #spacefiller Love LadyCurd xxxxxxxxx
  136. Dear Twitter, thank-u for enabling interaction with the rich & famous.My only celebrity RT to date was about farting. Love trumpy McLulululu
  137. Twitter-u r a much better outlet 4my random thoughts than FB. Especially as I’ve blocked weirdo up the road who I offend just by breathing x
  138. Dear Twitter, Now three letters left to finish on a bang. Oh crap what on earth can I say to try and redeem this whole sorry affair? LadyCxx
  139. Dear Twitter, I will understand if you need to block & unfollow me after getting to the end of this very sorry effort of a letter. LadyCurdx
  140. Dear Twitter, No BIGBANG, but a v.heartfelt THANK FUCK FOR THAT 140letters of 140letters (and characters) long for my 140th letter! LadyCurd

4 responses to “Dear Twitter

  1. Dear Twitter,
    This is a P.S Sod the word count letter. Firstly I missed off @drdav in letters 83 and 84 but if I go back and add her that fucks the word count so am thanking her here. Secondly 5 mini letters from friends came in after I had published so I am adding them here:

    Dear Twitter, I’m a twitter bore, an evangelist. People look at me like I’m mad but I will continue to spread the good word, love from MissM

    Dear Twitter, Thanks to you I’ve had my eyes opened to many issues I was unaware of. I think I’ve been politicised! Lots of love MissM xxxxx

    Dear Twitter, the bump, S & I were proud to protest in defence of women’s right to choose & to defend our ovaries from the rosaries today. A

    Dear Twitter, the bump wore a placard “*This* is My CHOICE”. I think the bump was proud of itself & managed to stay a bump for duration. Ani

    Dear Twitter, thanks for enhancing the TV watching experience. I need to make more use of this & less of iPlayer. The 2 r not compatible xxx

    as it would be mean not to include them after they went to all the effort.

    Oh and twitter? I wanted this letter to be brilliant and instead it is a dire outpouring of bilge from my brain, but as this has been pointed out it is brilliant in it’s own way we are just going to pretend latest letter is a sardonic postmodern comment on how humans engage with social media. Or something. Ok?

    Oh and dear reader- if you read that entire letter and are now reading the comments you are probably my stalker. So FUCK OFF.

    • Dear LadyCurd, Lol! Guilty as charge. Lots of love your newest stalker – AKA Scattymumofboys .
      (I wanted to reply in 140 characters but a screaming baby and a hyperactive toddler bashing me with a cushion put pay to that!)

      • Oh yikes I have another one to add to the list! Yay. You seem a nice stalker though- you can stay. Wouldn’t swear at you 😀

  2. We have some more late entries to the letter but they were fab and I really appreciate the joint effort and so I am adding them here!
    From @misssV:

    Twitter,u have ruined my grammar,punctuation and ability to concentrate for more than short burss.but I love you anyway. #lovenotetotwitter

    I’ve told people on twitter things about what goes on in my warped little mind that I can’t tell my best keep me sane sometimes.

    Thanks to u twitter,I spent Friday laughing at @ladycurd instead of doing anything boss would kill me.thank god for anonymity.

    Dear twitter. i’ve just got up to go to the loo. i wonder what everyone that I’ve never met is up to at 3am on Saturday morning…?#insomnia

    Dear twitter,would you like to see a picture of my at pulling funny faces? Or what I had for dinner? Or my toenail clippings? #ofcourseyoudo

    Dear twitter, thank you for reducing my day into a series of 140 characters and #hashtags It really makes it all so meaningful. And witty…

    and from @toddypeters
    Dear Twitter, why do you steal hours of my time when I want to read books or knit or chat to real human beings in front of me? Yrs grumpily.

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