Dear Woman (&partner) who regrets their abortion,
One of the saddest things about today’s Society For The Protection Of The Unborn Child protest was the sight of a man wearing a T-shirt saying “I regret our Abortion” and praying fervently with his rosary beads. I also read about another woman at the same protest who regrets her abortion (I’m not sure if the two were a couple). I felt so sad that this man felt the need to make a public (and humiliating) penance for a choice he and his partner had made.
I wanted to cry. Please please never regret decisions you made which you thought were for the best at the time. No-one enters into the decision to have an abortion lightly – it must be a terrible decision to have to make, but to have all this sadness and regret eating up your life years later- well that’s just not healthy either.
I had a look at the number you were holding up for women (and partners) to phone and go to for help if they had an abortion. It lead to ARCH- Abortion Recovery Care &Helpline (which I won’t link to from here because I think it’s an awful site), where the very first thing the website does is encourage guilt, shame for the abortion through the scrolling stories of all the people who had an awful time of it (who look like googled creativecommons “sad people” to me- with random quotes next to it, but I really hope the website wouldn’t be so evil as to put made up regret stories on there. Or am I being naive?) So how exactly is that going to help people stop regretting and move on- or is the aim ultimately to shame and guilt people into joining SPUC and reinforce their regret, so they have more people to stand and try and dissuade people from choosing abortion?
Thing is dissuading people from making choices by talking about your own choices DOES NOT WORK. Yes it may make people think but ultimately each of us are responsible for our own actions and our own choices. If after making that decision/action/choice we realise it was the wrong choice, then we must learn from it and move on. But beating yourself up continually for it- well I feel terribly sad for you, for how can you be happy if you are continually looking back and not moving forward?
Please stop letting your previous abortion ruin your current life, celebrate what you do have instead of beating yourself up for your past.
Thinking of you.
P.S I just read this incredibly brave and moving post from @moonbeatle where she talks about her abortion and the choice she has made and her life now. She shouldn’t and doesn’t feel regret for her choice and I for one am sure she is much much happier for it. I do hope you find peace with your own past choices soon.