Dear Perfect Man,
Apparently, you are…
- Six feet tall- check
- Muscly, toned and athletic- um he cycles alot so lets say yeah
- Brown eyes– Hazel
- Short dark hair- Ginger big floppy hair
- Smart dress sense– he wears a bowler hat, braces and a bow tie- you can’t get smarter
- A beer / lager drinker- Is Ale one of these? I don’t know will say yes.
- Non-smoker- Yup
- Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper – See number 5, tends to wear brown jackets, hoody and jeans on non work days
- Gets ready in 17 minutes- Probably longer as Oddler slows him down alot
- Stylish- I’d say so
- Wants a family- has a family. May regret that now!
- Earns £48,000 a year- give or take several thousand
- Loves shopping- NOOOOOOOOOO
- Eats meat- Yes
- Clean shaven- Yes
- Smooth chest-Yes but not too smooth- he doesn’t wax it or anything weird.
- Watches soaps- NOOOOOOOO
- Enjoys watching football- Not really, maybe if Yeovil Town are playing once a year.
- Drives an Audi- he hates driving and has an irrational hatred of Audi’s
- Educated to degree level- Yus
- Earns more than his other half- Do women really want that? But yes he does at mo thanks to mat leave, and the bullcrap public sector vs, private sector payscales. Bah!
- Jokes around and has a laugh- Definitely.
- Sensitive when his wife/girlfirend is upset- Definitely
- Says ‘I love you’ only when he means it- Yus
- Admits it when he looks at other women- Yus- has a thing for Scarlett Johannsen. I look fuck all like Scarlett Johannsen
- Holds a driving licence-Yes- hates driving though
- Can swim-Yes- hates swimming though.
- Can ride a bike- yes loves it.
- Can change a tyre- Yes on a bike, prob no on a car.
- Rings mum regularly- Nope I do instead!
So turns out my perfect man only scores 21 out of 30. Oh dear. It’s a good job I don’t listen to these bullshit surveys and just get on with being in love with the mostly perfect man for imperfect me, rather than trying to find “the perfect man” because to be quite honest I don’t think you exist, and anyhow 30/30 guy sounds a bit of a knobber tbh. Shirt and a v-necked jumper and an audi indeed!
Lots of Love
P.S LordCurd just popped his head round door and is ordering pizza for tea- now that is perfect.