Dear Man Sized Tissues

Dear Man Sized Tissues,

It has come to my attention that many women are unquestioning of your rather sexist existence considering men general have similar sized noses to women and similar amounts of snot production.

Man Flu being worse than Woman Flu does not explain this tissue sexual diamorphism, nor does the possibility that men cry more than women.

I was all set to start a new feminist campaign with my new feminist identity…..

…. Then I realised……

…..Men masturbate. Men ejaculate. Men need big tissues to clean up after them if a sock isn’t handy and the mumsnetter who knitted her son a wank mitten NEEDS to do a guest post for Sex Positive Parenting.


So maybe it isn’t so sexist after all, as “wank tissues” may not be a selling point, and wanking women don’t usually need tissues. Thus it’s a name minefield in the battle for gender equality.

But calling yourself “Man-Sized” is actually an annoying euphemism for “spunk soaker upper”  (although maybe “sopper upper” is better as semen doesn’t really soak up, or am I over-thinking again?)

Can you please think of a better name for yourself? Maybe “Wankerchiefs” or “Tossues”? Any others?

Lots of love



3 responses to “Dear Man Sized Tissues

  1. Anoop Singh-Best

    Wankerchiefs :-D:-D:-D
    Yup there’s little doubt as to why they’re mansize but perhaps sperm-catcher was already taken…
    And spunk-u-like had certain copyright issues 😉

  2. Pingback: Dear “Modern Man”/ “New Man”/ “SAHD” | Letters From LadyCurd

  3. I just assumed men do bigger sneezes!

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