Hey Brood

Sing to lyrics of Beatles- Hey Jude

Hey Brood, don’t make it bad
Take a sad woman and make her better
Remember to implant into her womb,
then you can start to make it better

Hey Brood, don’t be afraid
You were made to be a mother
The minute you avoid contraception,
then you’ll begin to make it better

And anytime you feel a pain,
hey Brood, refrain, and see a doctor
don’t carry the world upon your thing
For well you know that it’s a fool
who plays it cool
by stopping at two offspring

Hey Brood, don’t let me down
She has limited eggs left in her,
Remember to let him come in her vagina,
then you can start to make it better,
better better better

So let it out and let it in, ahem
hey Brood, begin,
The performance of making another baby
And don’t you know that it’s not just you,
hey Brood, form an orderly queue,
the movement you need is in your hips

Hey Brood, don’t make it bad
Take a sad mum and make her better
Remember to let her have another baby,
that you can start to make it better,
better, better, better, better,

Na na na nananana nananana hey Brood,
na na na nananana I’ll make Baby Brood
nananana hey Brood, hey Brood
Na na na nananana I’ll make Baby Brood,
nananana hey Brood, yeah
na na na nananana nananana oh yeah yeah yeah
Make it Brood

Hey Brood,
You have been hitting me gently since Omble was born about whether I want that third baby but today you got your sledgehammer out. Thanks to the return of my fertility a polite way of saying menstruation which has been mostly absent in the last 3.5years of four pregnancies (two successful) and breastfeeding, I am now in what I will affectionately call MEGABROOD as you can see from the fact I was sad enough to write my version of the song above. This is simply ridiculous, babies grow up, babies and toddlers are hard work, I don’t particularly like kids between the ages of 4-14, what the hell am I thinking!?

I know it is hormones as from now on each month I will lose another 40-50 of my precious remaining eggs (every month 40-50 are recruited to develop but all except one become atretic and die except for the precious one that makes it to burst forth from the follicle), but I am 30 potentially I have 10 or more fertile years left in me, I can’t imagine this is it, but I also can’t imagine doing it all again. I have been so lucky with my two and the thought of a third where something was wrong and having to make decisions around that and change our lovely little family dynamic is terrifying. Plus I really adore my job and thought of the affect of any more kids on my career is currently unthinkable.

So dear Brood you are causing quite the conundrums in my brain at the minute and I would be much obliged if you wouldn’t mind buggering off until Omble is at school by which time we might be in a position to possibly consider number three but I will not cope with 4years of MEGABROOD until then because I’ll just keep singing
tunelessly everyday whilst my ovaries scream every time I catch sight of a newborn. It’s no fun.
Just gimme a break for a bit ok? Or at the very least advise me on how to ignore you.

P.S I’m totally picturing you like this – that’s right Br Ood isn’t it?

Clutching a valuable egg just waiting to be fertilised……


6 responses to “Hey Brood

  1. Rebecca Carruthers

    I was broody. Then I had a pregnancy scare. Now I am not broody anymore.

  2. I can identify with all of this! Except I am seven years older so I’m picturing a little egg timer with the sand running out probably even more than you are! But I know I am incredibly lucky to have my boys … but new babies are so ace! Seeing Omble has definitely made all this worse for me…

    • Oh dear soz! You can borrow her for a weekend if you want? Might put you off. Then again she is on the cusp of sleeping through- you really need to borrow a newborn or one of those reality babies.

  3. I do too… Then I don’t.. Then I do.. Then I don’t…

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