Dear Bereaved

Dear Bereaved,

They say bereavement is a journey, one that never really ends but has easier paths and harder paths. I’d say since my dad died I stuck my roller skates on, load my backpack up with more and more stuff to keep me busy and preoccupied from grief and got my head down and tried and skate through it as fast as I can.

Except I wasn’t looking where I was going. I’ve crashed into a wall, and fallen flat on my arse, the contents of my backpack are strewn around me. I’ve realised that although it was the only strategy I felt I could adopt at the time (I had a three week old baby she took priority, then she got easier, so I took more & more on at work to keep me busy and distracted) it was not a sustainable strategy.

So I’m stopping to rest for a while and I’m taking some time to sort through my backpack, getting rid of some of the items causing the most weight and stress, working out what’s most important, before picking myself up to continue with this journey. It’s scary because I am no quitter and some of the things in the back pack being got rid of will cause difficult consequences for other people and I really really hate letting people down.

Actually admitting I’ve crashed into a wall is quite embarrassing for me too, I’m usually the perfect superskater, I don’t ever stumble or fall, I just carry on, but heck on the otherside of the wall is a giant drop. So I’m glad I’m stopping now and sorting it out with a bruised bum and pride rather than carry on hurtling on and ending up with a broken neck/brain.

Think I might stroll the next part of my bereavement journey. Allow myself to cry that I can’t see my dad over Christmas, that he can’t see or celebrate Omble’s first birthday (he never met her) or Oddlers 3rd Birthday which falls exactly a week after the anniversary of his death. I need to get through all these milestones properly, carefully and finally allow myself to grieve. Properly, with the help of my family, friends and a bereavement counsellor, not by ignoring distracting and hurtling on.

So where are you in your bereavement journey and how are you choosing to journey?

Lots of love



5 responses to “Dear Bereaved

  1. Great blog, and I am sorry you’re now facing the pain of your Dad’s death. You will come through and well done for seeing how you were coping and knowing that you can’t skate away and do it fast. Bon courage mon brave.

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss, LadyCurd. I lost my mom 3-1/2 years ago. The best thing to do is what you’re doing now. Allow yourself to feel the loss and cry whenever you need to, there’s no reason not to. There’s nothing wrong with admitting to someone/anyone, “I miss my dad.” I also truly believe that our loved ones who have died or passed over are still with us and see all that is happening in our lives. In fact, I believe your dad met your 1 yr. old (in spirit form) before you did! 😉

    What helped me is writing a letter to my mom then shredding it and burning it, allowing the smoke to carry away all the upsetting and/or negative emotions. The key is to really vent *everything* you feel in that letter in order to release it. It truly helps.

    In my case, I know my mom is much happier on the Other Side than she was here. She’s traveling where she wanted to go but didn’t, doing everything she wanted to do on her own but couldn’t here for a variety of reasons, and having a ball. 🙂

    I’m sending lots of positive and healing wishes your way. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

  3. Pingback: Dear Dad, Thankyou for not being David Davies. | Letters From LadyCurd

  4. Pingback: Dear “A Time to Grieve” | Letters From LadyCurd

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