Category Archives: Oddler

Dear Time

Dear Time,

Time heals,
Time ticks on,
Never waste a moment
Seize the day
Time expands
Time contracts,
Baby is born
Father dies
Toddler turns 2
Life goes on
Tick tock
Daughter avoids grief
Life goes on
Baby turns one
Anniversary of fathers death.
Tomorrow about 9.30am ish
Time to pause
Time to grieve
Toddler will turn 3 next week
Life goes on.
Time goes on.
Tick tock.

Dear Voices

Dear Voices,

Tonight we were sat all together at the dinner table, me, my husband, our two children, my mother and my brother who is schizophrenic and has heard voices in his head for the last ten years.

During the meal Oddler (my 2.8year old) was pretending to chat on the phone (the palm of her hand) and was talking to her car apparently. He was big and plastic and had had a nice day. She made us all smile.

It suddenly struck me- no one thinks twice about the voices in our childrens heads- we celebrate them, we are amused by them, there is nothing in them to fear (even if the child themselves may sometimes be scared by certain voices eg. “The monster threatening to eat them”). We know that these voices are “normal”, and if anything they indicate our child is imaginative, quirky, creative and other positive qualities.

So how does it shift into this perception of fear and stigmatisation of adults having voices? What is normal in children is abnormal in adults. I understand the rationale why but the stigmatisation that is associated because of this can be hard to bear.

I don’t really remember my brothers childhood voices, and he never really speaks about his adult voices so I have no real idea about what his life is like living with these voices day in day out. What I do know is for him this is his reality, his normality, and I have decided I am no longer going to fear these voices or think badly of him for having them.

If I am not fearful of my daughters voices, I owe it to my adult brother to think the same.

My brother hears voices and he is imaginative, quirky, creative, intelligent and kind and many other positive qualities.

So thank you to my own voice in my head for helping me come to this realisation.


Dear Slatterns

Dear Slatterns,

This morning Oddler came into my room muttering something about doing a green wee.  I was unconcerned after all her potty is green, but I asked her if she had done a green wee.  She said “No!” in an offended tone, and then, as if I was daring to deny the truth, said – “Mummy has done a green wee”.

I was confused until I realised….

… actually Mummy had “cleaned” the toilet sticking in one of toilet tabs that get rid of the limescale before she went to bed that also turn the water blue.  Mummy and Daddy had used loo during night and not flushed so as not to wake the kids, and obviously yellow + blue = green.

So today I discovered slatternly cleaning of the loo can have unexpected comedy value and be a wonderful source of mirth at 6am when reluctantly awake thanks to having small kids.

Yawn but hehe.

What other comedy moments have befallen you as a Slattern?



Dear Quick Witted Parents of Toddlers, Some advice please.

Dear Quick Witted Parents of Toddlers,

I need some advice. This morning I asked Oddler to pick up her shoes and put them in the shoe rack. This is what happened:

Me: “Pick up your shoes and put them in the rack, please Oddler”

Oddler: “NO”

Me: “I’m going to count to five and if you don’t put them in the shoe rack then I will put them in the bin.”

Oddler: “NO, MY PUTEM IN DA BIN, MY DO IT, MY DO IT” (Cue tantrum as she wanted to put her shoes in bin, not me)

Me: “Arsebiscuits” Outwitted by the toddler again.

To those parents cleverer than me, how do you stop yourself parenting into a corner?

Lots of Love



Dear Noreen the Nit

Dear Noreen The Nit,

Or Pediculus Humanus Capitis to give you your rightful name (but I prefer Noreen), you are currently infesting my hair, I don’t blame you, my hair is lovely and so is my toddlers. I know how you love children’s hair especially, and with her being at nursery we are obviously your perfect hostesses. I had been pondering if you had taken up residence for a few days and bought a nit comb and treatment yesterday but combing my hair and Oddler’s yesterday yielded nothing.

You are clever squatters, good at hiding but causing itchy harm and whilst idly combing my hair, waiting for the kettle to boil, I struck lucky.

20120712-143856.jpg This is my nit. Noreen the Nit.

I’m sorry I have just forcibly evicted you from my head and shortly I will be carrying out chemical warfare against your race to destroy your civilisation in my families hair. I’m kind of sorry I have to do this (apart from the fact you are itchy and annoying parasites), you see I studied you in great detail at university and I think you are awesome creatures, evolving so your claw and opposable “thumb” are the exact diameter of a human hair (and likewise your close relatives Pediculus Humanus Humanus (Body Louse), and very distantly related Pthithuris Pubis (Pubic Louse) have their pincing structures to be specific to their hair type. (although pubic lice can also live in eyelashes apparently but obviously I have no idea how they get there as they can’t jump. 😉 )

Anyhow I am not embarrassed in the slightest to have you. It doesn’t make me a dirty unclean person, I’m just a human in contact with kids. Soon you will be gone and stop feasting on my scalp and all will be fine. Last time I had you I had you for three months before finding you. This was pre kids doing an incredibly stressful university course, the doctor was first saying it was eczema, then dandruff, then stress itch, until finally when I had rashy bites going all down my neck in my long hair we discovered the nits! I had got them from spending a week with some primary kids, but hadn’t thought about the kid contact so we just assumed it wouldn’t be nits and couldn’t ever find any evidence of them, until the an eagle eyed locum doctor found them on my third visit because the scalp itch was driving me mad and the shampoos and creams I had been prescribed were not working- funny that with them not being nit lotion and all.

So yeah I am rather flattered you love my hair so much and are so incredibly good at hiding in it. I know you prefer clean hair to dirty as its easier to move about in, but soon you and your family must die. Currently you are still pootling about on the envelope I took the picture of you on and I am kind of loathe to properly squish you, I know you will die soon enough anyway without a human host, so maybe you, but only you, will get saved from the nit napalm. You get this reprieve as I suppose you sort of did me a favour by being the only nit I have ever known to be feckless enough to be found and thus alerting me to you families invasion of my families hair.

So thank you. I owe you one, in fact I’m almost tempted to pop you in the envelope and sneak you onto the head of someone I can’t stand so you can carry on surviving as you have done for millions of years.



P.S if anyone gets itchy reading this, look behind you to check for me with my envelope

Dear Oddler re. Asthma

Dear Oddler,

When I was about 4 years old we stayed in a friends house on holiday. They had a cat. The cat slept on my chest for a few nights and one morning I woke up unable to breathe properly. I tried to call my mum and dad, but they just snarled at me “it’s 5am go back to sleep”, I kept trying but they kept shouting at me to shut up, and because I couldn’t really breathe, I couldn’t really shout, so I was just making lots of wails and grunts. Eventually I knew I had to go and get them because I was really struggling. I don’t know how long I was calling them but to four year old me it felt like an eternity. The room they were sleeping in was up a steep flight of stairs, I remember standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up and thinking I would never make it to the top, but I knew I had to. I had to get my mum and dad to understand I couldn’t breathe, they were the only people who could help me. When I finally reached the top my dad took one look at me and they whisked me to A&E where I was nebulised. It was my first asthma attack and I was on ventolin as needed from then on. A few more hospitalisations due to asthma occured after then. I know how much guilt my parents felt from that episode and I vividly remember how utterly terrified I was that my mum and dad weren’t coming to make things better and I couldn’t breathe.

When you were 10months you had got croup and I went back to the doctors four times until they decided to admit you. I knew you weren’t right and it was serious. I remembered how I felt the morning of my first asthma attack, I vowed I would never put you in the same situation and that I would always check on you if you called me (Admittedly I haven’t always stuck to it as sometimes you are playing up at bedtime and so you get ignored a bit if you are clearly playing up but but I do check on you once asleep and not if ill.). Last night you were not sleeping well and wailing lots, as was your sister who had a milder cough. I was on my knees with tiredness as you kept waking each other up but I kept going in to check on you and at 3am I decided you breathing was sufficiently serious to warrant medical attention. LordCurd slightly disagreed so we tried sitting with you for ten minutes in the bathroom with a shower going to see if the steam helped first (you weren’t going blue but you were fighting to breathe). As there was no improvement I insisted on taking you to A&E (your dad never had childhood asthma so doesn’t know what it is like, but I was vividly remembering 4year old me and how scary it was, I didn’t want you to ever feel like I felt, that your parents weren’t taking your breathing difficulties seriously).

I took you up there, you were lethargic and grumpy, you were very weak and exhausted (it was 3am and you hadn’t really slept), you were initially very reluctant to try the salbutamol in a spacer but within 3puffs your chest eased and by the 10th puff you had already started to cheer up. It was literally a miracle transformation. You then started demanding I read you stories and you wanted your shoes and a drink. They gave you some steroids in a syringe and cup which one doctor was betting we would never get down you as it was vile and bitter, but you gulped it down happily without even needing something to take the taste away, the doctor was very surprised, and I was very proud. You got a blue helium balloon and a sticker for being a brave girl. You were very excited by both (you call the balloon a blue moon, and its currently tied to your bed) We took you home and went back to bed and you slept in until 10.15am and fee much better now.

Your diagnosis is either viral induced wheeze or asthma (but they tend not to formally diagnose until 4) so we have salbutamol and steroids for the next few days to keep you breathing well. I suspect you will ultimately turn out to have asthma like I did but that’s okay, the treatment is incredibly swift and effective and I promise I won’t ever leave you feeling terrified and unable to breathe with your parents ignoring you like I was. I will always whisk you to hospital if I think you need it- thankfully we live within a 5mins drive of A&E.

I hope you never develop a serious case of asthma, mine was never too bad and I grew out of it by 11ish, with the occasional mild wheeze due to allergies (am allergic to your grandparents’ house- your grandma, my mum, doesn’t like hoovering, ever!)

Anyhow I love you and I am so glad I took you last night and you are feeling so much better.
Phew. Thanks to nursery for their vigilance in knowing you were out of sorts and letting me know so I collected you early yesterday and thanks to the likely staff at A&E who treated you so promptly and effectively. You are a very lucky girl to be so well cared for.

Love MummyCurd

P.S you just woke up and teddy had to have the medicine first and then teddy had to do your medicine as she is a Doctor Teddy 🙂




Dear Parents of 9month old babies considering your next sized carseat

Dear Parents of 9month old babies considering your next sized carseat,

Did you know that keeping your child rearfacing in their stage 1 carseat (the one after the Stage 0 newborn -9months old so from birth) is FIVE times safer than moving them forward facing from 9months? This is because in a forward collision the impact pushes them back into their seat instead of forwards- forward facers in a collision are 90% more likely to suffer serious injuries and are more likely to break their necks/die. 😦

The reason so many people don’t know this or use them is because rear facing carseats are rarer and can be more expensive. Forward Facing from 9months is the more dangerous “norm” in this country (In Scandinavia not so).

When I found out about this I insisted Oddler went into a rear facing carseat from when she outgrew her stage 0 at about 10.5months. After doing some research we bought online the Britax Two Way Elite from the incredibly helpful InCare Safety Centre (We used the videos online to help make sure we installed it properly). It cost £200 so £100 more than what we were anticipating spending on a carseat but we had my parents buy it for Oddler’s christmas present and the fact it would last her until 4 (25kgs) and had the possibility of going forward facing if she got to an age she hated to be rear facing then we thought this was the best option for us (we also dont have Isofix in our car).

Oddler is almost two and a half and she is totally happy being in a rear facing carseat even on long journeys. People often say “Oh but she can’t see what is going on” but that is rubbish- she has an entire unobstructed view out of the back window and can see out of the sides. They often seem suprised my toddler is still rear facing like I am “babying” her. The safety facts I pass on soon shuts them up, although I do feel bad when it’s other parents who have forward facing carseats- I don’t want to make people feel bad about the carseat they chose (especially when so few people know abour rear facing safety) but more to educate people in the safest option and get the word out there.

Yes there are very minor downsides to keeping her rearfacing- I can’t see what she is upto even if I turn around (not while driving!) but this is easily fixed by putting a mirror on the seat headrest in front of her so I can see out of my rearview mirror without turning around- so again that makes it safer than if she was forward facing as I would have to turn around for her. Also when she had a dummy to sleep for car journeys she would also often lose it down the side of the seat and we would have to stop to be able to rescue it for her but I think it would be similar if she was forward facing, she has got rid of the dummy now so it is no longer an issue. These are very minor niggles compared to the absolutely massive safety advantages. Plus it is easier to get her in and out of the carseat as you are putting her in the same way the car door opens, so no bracing yourself against the car door opened at its max to strap her in.

A few months ago I thought Oddler was getting too big for her rearfacing seat and I was worried I was going to have to turn her forward facing, she is in the 99.9th Centile and the size of a hefty (NOT FAT!) three year old. I tweeted my worries and PHEW- the lovely @13Loki who has the same carseat told me there is a part of the base that folds out and when you do this suddenly there is a heck of a lot more leg room for them. Hurrah- so Oddler is now safe in that carseat for another year at least. Annoyingly I have had my babies close together so in 6months or so we will need to buy another rear facing seat as Oddler won’t be ready to move up to the next stage car seat by the time Omble needs it, but never mind twill be a Christmas present from us all. It is so annoying these car seats are so expensive which is another reason for my post. The more consumer demand for these car seats there is, the more common these car seats are, the cheaper they will become. We need to demand more places stock them and they are much more affordable for all.

This post was fired up by reading yet more blogs/forum threads/ twitter discussions of parents moving their babies forward facing at 9months “so they can see the world” even if they haven’t grown out of their existing rear facing carseat (once the head extends over the top of the carseat is when they have outgrown it NOT when their legs extend out of the bottom- legs can bend) when there is a much safer better option. 😦

If you found this information helpful please do pass it on, or pass on the links. I can be a bit evangelical about rear facing carseats (this isn’t a sponsored post by the way in any shape or form- haha can you imagine an PR wanting to get involved with my phallic avatar and vaginal yeast infection name- Methinks not- this blog will only ever have me rambling about stuff I love for no gain whatsoever (like this and will publish my dear Mooncup one soon!), in fact I hope I don’t bring any of my fave brands into disrepute with my Curdy ways! ;))

Lots of Love



Oddler in her carseat