Category Archives: Neighbour

Dear Seagull

Dear Seagull,
I’m not usually one to vent forth with bile and vitriol but for you I will make an exception.

You are a hateful creature, you never think of anyone but yourself. You don’t care that you turn me into #madseagulllady, you don’t care you deprive me of extremely precious sleep by squawking all hours from your vantage point nest on the roof opposite. You shit all over my car you filthy disgusting scavenger. You rip up my bin bags and litter my street you lazy good for nothing piece of scum.

You are a cruel and evil aberration of nature and I hate you with a passion that will never leave until you fuck off south again for the winter*



*counts down days til they leave again and I can be calm and sleep once more.


Dear Shagging Neighbour

Dear Neighbour*

As exciting as getting laid last night must have been for you did you really have to scream your head off at 2am and wake us all up? At first I thought someone was being murdered! Did we all need to know how much fun you were having? Also bit worried bout how paper thin our walls must be as it actually sounded like you were in bed with us!

I know we must be really annoying at mo with a screaming baby up all hours of night. I’m very sorry. But seriously once it’s really finally all quiet on our side and I can finally sleep do you have to start with your screaming orgasms? Really? You’d think our side of wall would be a bit of a turn off plus you nearly woke a finally asleep baby. Grrrrrr.

Perhaps we both should look into soundproofing options as this escalating screaming baby/screaming orgasm warfare is not going to end well.

Yours sincerely

*disclaimer- this post may or may not be about our current domicile but in fact it maybe to neighbours past in London when Oddler was a baby. Maybe. <<hopes no neighbour of ours past present or future ever reads this and works out it’s me sniggering at you whenever you leave the house.>>