Tag Archives: Cock

Dear Good Men Project- On Penis Size


Dear Good Men Project,

I thought I would rewrite your breast size obsessed article, from a female and penis sized perspective, just to see what happened.  To be honest it’s not an article I can see a woman ever actually writing (I’d like to think we are not that shallow, but I know some of us maybe are, so I am not making this point explicity by you know writing it as a typo), but then what would I know, I used to have big breasts and therefore a “small mind” and am only useful for “transfixing men with my obvious womanly attributes”.

Soz.

Yours

LadyCurd

P.S We really aren’t as obsessed with Penis Size as you think we all are. From my perspective it is a definitely more male preoccupation than a female one  (There is a saying about breasts “more than a handful is a waste”- well maybe “more than a mouthful is a waste” too yanoo. 😉  Just sayin’)

If the woman you’re with thinks you need a different cock, maybe you just need a different woman.

This is for the lesser-endowed men of the world: the men who were dealt too lightly by Nature, who wondered at some point or another if they should correct the injustice through the skills of a plastic surgeon, or at least invest in an arsenal of cock enhancers.

Despite the typical female well mostly male actually I reckon  preoccupation with cock size, there are some of us who wouldn’t want you any other way, who see sublime perfection where others see absence.

Maybe we’re just not as vocal as some.

We’re not the women in the swimming pool who whistle misandrically (is that even a word?!) from the poolside at you in your Speedo’s as you swim your lengths.

We’re not the ones throwing themselves at you at the party. Or your friend’s wedding, countless drinks in.

Maybe we’re the ones quietly taking you in from five tables away. Listening to your voice. Your perspective. Your sense of humor. The witty way you referenced an F. Scott Fitzgerald line in the middle of ordering your drink.

And yes, don’t worry, we snuck a good, long look at your body.

But maybe it’s not a giant cock we’re looking for.

Maybe we happen to love the sleek lines of your silhouette, the elegant simplicity of your form.

Maybe there’s something fearless and yet vulnerable about your cock that draws us.

Maybe we’re actually turned off by someone who’s used to transfixing women with his obvious, manly attributes.

Some of us grew up as athletes, amongst thin, athletic, non-massive cocked men and grew to like different physical traits than most women. Like the tight calves of a runner. Or the strong thighs of a skier. Or the muscular stomach of a volleyball player. Maybe we know that having an athletic man at your side means being more likely to live an adventurous and daring life. (Not just in the outdoors, but in the bedroom, too…)

Women like me, like the fact that you’re used to having to win people over with your mind and personality, not what was peeking through your shorts.

For me, a cocktail sausage puts you on the A-list cocktail party of the year, every time.

Some of us have learned from experience that small-cocked men often have larger minds. Or better moves in bed. Or more optimistic attitudes when the chips are down. Because you’ve been overlooked by luck before. And it didn’t get the better of you then, either.

Hell, some of us are just ass-women.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against large-cocked men. Many of them are good friends—or even exes. And yes, many have just as sharp a mind, as buoyant a spirit, or witty a retort as you.

But there’s something about your penis that I just can’t shake although technically that’s your job-I’m not into shaking post wee penises so much.

Maybe you’re just a bit lighter—at how you handle life. Maybe the thing you think you’re lacking has given you so much more. And you’re better able to move around the obstacles of life a lot quicker without it.

Whatever it is, I, for one, am under your spell. I swoon when you walk into the room. I want your first dance, your next kiss, your every smile.

You have more admirers than you know.

If the woman you’re with thinks you need a different cock, maybe you just need a different woman.

Dear Gendered Insults2 (A Guest Post)


Dear Reader,

Firstly please see here for an explanation into why the title of this post has nowchanged.

@ProfTentacles was so inspired by Dear Cock  he felt need to write his own letter, & far far superior it is to mine – I think sequels often are although we probably ultimately disagree on the ending

Anyhow here is Dear Cock2 (A Guest Post)

Yours sincerely

LadyCurd

Dear Cock,

You’re a great word. You can be personal: “You’re a cock.” You can be situational: “This is a bit of a cock-up, really.” You can be a positive, life affirming thing: “I’m just cocking about on the internet.” You’re a sturdy, reliable word. You’ve always been there when I’ve needed you, like the mate that picks you up where your car’s broken down or internet porn.

You’re the big man on the block: more popular that dick, classier than knob and funnier than dong. You have a forceful, plosive sound. You are, in every way, the cock of the walk.

But that leaves the poor ladies in the shade.  How is it fair that cock has become so acceptable that the chaps on Top Gear can award each other a Golden Cock for being stupid, whilst the feminine equivalents have a somewhat… different feel.

We’re a funny species: so obsessed with the mechanics of sex, surrounding it with rites and processes to the point where the phrase ‘couldn’t organise an orgy in a brothel’ is not only coined but becomes a good description  of our procreative capacity. But for all our fascination, as society has evolved, we’ve become more coy and embarrassed; and nowhere is this more obvious than in our relationship with words for the female genital area.

Let’s be honest here: ‘cock’ has a rugged, rough and tumble feel. It’s all good fun. So does dick, knob, dong, schlong… but your female cousins seem to carry along with them a taint. They are somewhat unclean, aren’t they? Clunge, flange, vag, gash… they’re not nice. Because, me old cock, they’re not there to glamourise, are they? Cock is a glamorous word: strong, noble. “Don’t be such a cock,” often carries an air of grudging admiration. “That’s gash,” on the other hand – nothing to admire there. Pussy is weak, feeble: to be ‘pussy-whipped’ is the very antithesis of the butch go-getting of ‘cocksure’, isn’t it?

But.

But there is one, isn’t there, one word that has the power and stature you enjoy? But it’s a word that’s shrouded in horror and despair. Even I, who has spent the last half-hour frankly enjoying writing the word ‘cock’ as often as possible and has been known to send emails to Senior Managers at my place of work that consist only of the word COCK is 50pt red Times New Roman, even I hesitate to say it.

But we must. We must level the playing field. We must make the female equal to the male; we must normalise the words. More than that: cock is not usually denigratory. It’s not used to put people down. Cunt is. To call someone a cunt carries with it undertones of inferiority, unworthiness and dirt: and that is the underlying sexism that must change. After all, asJames McDonald suggests in the The Wordsworth Dictionary of Obscenity and Taboo, cunt might come from an old English word,cynd, meaning“origin, generation, birth, kind, offspring”: and that’s frankly marvellous. That’s superior, worthy and – let’s not beat around the bush – awesome.

So, dear cock, I have to tell you that you’ll be going into semi-retirement. I’m going to do my bit for equality. And so should you: the next time you want to call someone a cock, call ‘em a cunt instead.

Yours

Cock Cunt

Dear Gendered Insults


Dear Reader,

This letter was originally called Dear Cock- which sort of evolved out of a twitter discussion. But to be honest I felt uncomfortable with that as I  didn’t like using such a term as my title as it smacked of being gratuitous for the sake of it, and I ended up feeling quite embarrassed about it (I get easily carried away)- so sorry about that and sorry if I offended anyone.  Plus also people might have read the letter under false pretences.  After all it wasn’t an ode to the Penis (and yes I might have written an ode to my breasts , but I think I probably draw the line at writing to a Dear Part of Somebody else’s anatomy. Or maybe not as I did rant about Vulva’s in general.) Argh this letter writing lark is a minefield I tell ya!

Anyhow I have left the letter how I originally wrote it below as I feel better now I have prefaced it with this letter as a warning before you carry on!

Lots of Love

LadyCurd

_____________________________________

Dear Cock

Ok this letter is an immediate follow on to the musings in Dear Vulva and not a love letter about “how much I love cock”, because seriously I’m not the type of girl to do that publicly, *prude face* and a girl has to draw the line somewhere but I suppose as body parts go it’s alright and passes the time.

It also isn’t a letter to some of the males in my life, apart from *you*– if you are reading who turned out to be men who’s behaviour deemed them worthy of such an insult if you were inclined to use such words. 

Nor is it a letter to Cameron, Gove, Lansley or Osbourne (but I am working on one for them don’t you worry!)

and nope it also isn’t a letter to a male chicken.

No this letter is to Cock wondering why you are a much less offensive term than Cunt.  I call someone a cock- and I am probably meaning they are a bit of an idiot, a fool, bloody annoying but probably ultimately forgiveable.

I call someone a Cunt (which I virtually never ever do) and I mean they are the lowest of low, the evilest of evil, the scum of the earth.

Hmmm. I ponder further- are there any terms for the male genitals as offensive as the females?

Dickhead versus Twat. Twat wins

Purple Headed Yoghurt Squirter versus Hairy Axe Wound- then Hairy Axe Wound wins (ok ok so I have never actually heard anyone use either of these as insults but as sexual body part names go they are top of my bizarre list :))

I think I am getting fed up of the gendered insult terms and that basically the female terms are always so much more offensive than the men’s, unless of course you add in the element of homophobia- cocksucker being more offensive than plain cock for example which may be more offensive than calling someone a pussy?

It’s just starting to make me cross, and I don’t buy the bullshit about reclaiming the words to make them less offensive, because only a minority of people ever try the reclaiming crap- the majority will still find the words offensive and therefore even attempting such is utterly pointless.

Personally as really cross insults or swearing goes, I prefer the gender free “Arsehole”, or just a really venomous “fuck off” or “fuck you” (which when you ponder further about it- fucking them is the very last thing you want to be doing so as insults go is it not a pretty stupid one?)

In fact why are so many of the much more offensive insults and swearwords related to sex, sexuality or sexual parts? When let’s face it we are all here because of sex unless you were an IVF baby,  and the majority of people in the world are going to be shagging at various points in their lives, so why all this sex and gender shaming crap?

In maybe I need to develop a lexicon of politically correct insults and swearwords, in fact Dear Cock, I think I shall wander off and do that instead of blathering at you any further.

Have a nice day.

Lots of Love and Kisses 😉

LadyGettingHerKnickersInATwistCurd