Tag Archives: demand feeding

Dear MotherSucker

Dear MotherSucker,

Just been rereading this in an effort to remind me what you are doing is normal.

Yes currently I am Mummy the Human Dummy. I think you “feed” about every 20minutes through the night but alot of that is non-nutritive sucking. But the lack of sleep is absolutely killing me.

I would give my Right Nipple it’s hanging off by a thread anyway for you to take a dummy or a bottle so I could get just a smidge of sleep and a tiny break from your utterly relentless demands, but sadly you won’t. Thought I had cracked it this week by dipping a dummy in gripe water as you take it then but you have got wise to it and will suck til the gripe water has gone then it’s back to refusing.

Am now at the sleep deprived stage of constant headaches, I can barely speak and I’m practically hallucinating with exhaustion. Sometimes it even hurts to breathe.

So please little MotherSucker of mine – sort yourself out, else am giving you away to the binmen. Or the Health Visitor when she comes today who I am not going to lie too for once

Yours exhaustedly

Dear Demand Feeding

Dear Demand Feeding,

I read with interest this latest article about demand feeding.

I am assuming this means you are grooming Omble Curd for great genius. An IQ on par with Einstein, Socrates, Marie Curie and other very clever people (whose names escape me as clearly I wasn’t demand fed as a baby.)

After all Omble is demand fed demands all the fucking time and if she doesn’t turn out to be a great genius, & make her fortune to look after her parents in their advancing years then I shall sue your arse for giving me false hope whilst my daughter chews my nipples off for the 15th time since she woke at 6am.

Yours Sincerely,

Lady Limply Lactating Curd