Tag Archives: gender

Dear Gendered Insults2 (A Guest Post)

Dear Reader,

Firstly please see here for an explanation into why the title of this post has nowchanged.

@ProfTentacles was so inspired by Dear Cock  he felt need to write his own letter, & far far superior it is to mine – I think sequels often are although we probably ultimately disagree on the ending

Anyhow here is Dear Cock2 (A Guest Post)

Yours sincerely


Dear Cock,

You’re a great word. You can be personal: “You’re a cock.” You can be situational: “This is a bit of a cock-up, really.” You can be a positive, life affirming thing: “I’m just cocking about on the internet.” You’re a sturdy, reliable word. You’ve always been there when I’ve needed you, like the mate that picks you up where your car’s broken down or internet porn.

You’re the big man on the block: more popular that dick, classier than knob and funnier than dong. You have a forceful, plosive sound. You are, in every way, the cock of the walk.

But that leaves the poor ladies in the shade.  How is it fair that cock has become so acceptable that the chaps on Top Gear can award each other a Golden Cock for being stupid, whilst the feminine equivalents have a somewhat… different feel.

We’re a funny species: so obsessed with the mechanics of sex, surrounding it with rites and processes to the point where the phrase ‘couldn’t organise an orgy in a brothel’ is not only coined but becomes a good description  of our procreative capacity. But for all our fascination, as society has evolved, we’ve become more coy and embarrassed; and nowhere is this more obvious than in our relationship with words for the female genital area.

Let’s be honest here: ‘cock’ has a rugged, rough and tumble feel. It’s all good fun. So does dick, knob, dong, schlong… but your female cousins seem to carry along with them a taint. They are somewhat unclean, aren’t they? Clunge, flange, vag, gash… they’re not nice. Because, me old cock, they’re not there to glamourise, are they? Cock is a glamorous word: strong, noble. “Don’t be such a cock,” often carries an air of grudging admiration. “That’s gash,” on the other hand – nothing to admire there. Pussy is weak, feeble: to be ‘pussy-whipped’ is the very antithesis of the butch go-getting of ‘cocksure’, isn’t it?


But there is one, isn’t there, one word that has the power and stature you enjoy? But it’s a word that’s shrouded in horror and despair. Even I, who has spent the last half-hour frankly enjoying writing the word ‘cock’ as often as possible and has been known to send emails to Senior Managers at my place of work that consist only of the word COCK is 50pt red Times New Roman, even I hesitate to say it.

But we must. We must level the playing field. We must make the female equal to the male; we must normalise the words. More than that: cock is not usually denigratory. It’s not used to put people down. Cunt is. To call someone a cunt carries with it undertones of inferiority, unworthiness and dirt: and that is the underlying sexism that must change. After all, asJames McDonald suggests in the The Wordsworth Dictionary of Obscenity and Taboo, cunt might come from an old English word,cynd, meaning“origin, generation, birth, kind, offspring”: and that’s frankly marvellous. That’s superior, worthy and – let’s not beat around the bush – awesome.

So, dear cock, I have to tell you that you’ll be going into semi-retirement. I’m going to do my bit for equality. And so should you: the next time you want to call someone a cock, call ‘em a cunt instead.


Cock Cunt

Dear Gendered Insults

Dear Reader,

This letter was originally called Dear Cock- which sort of evolved out of a twitter discussion. But to be honest I felt uncomfortable with that as I  didn’t like using such a term as my title as it smacked of being gratuitous for the sake of it, and I ended up feeling quite embarrassed about it (I get easily carried away)- so sorry about that and sorry if I offended anyone.  Plus also people might have read the letter under false pretences.  After all it wasn’t an ode to the Penis (and yes I might have written an ode to my breasts , but I think I probably draw the line at writing to a Dear Part of Somebody else’s anatomy. Or maybe not as I did rant about Vulva’s in general.) Argh this letter writing lark is a minefield I tell ya!

Anyhow I have left the letter how I originally wrote it below as I feel better now I have prefaced it with this letter as a warning before you carry on!

Lots of Love



Dear Cock

Ok this letter is an immediate follow on to the musings in Dear Vulva and not a love letter about “how much I love cock”, because seriously I’m not the type of girl to do that publicly, *prude face* and a girl has to draw the line somewhere but I suppose as body parts go it’s alright and passes the time.

It also isn’t a letter to some of the males in my life, apart from *you*– if you are reading who turned out to be men who’s behaviour deemed them worthy of such an insult if you were inclined to use such words. 

Nor is it a letter to Cameron, Gove, Lansley or Osbourne (but I am working on one for them don’t you worry!)

and nope it also isn’t a letter to a male chicken.

No this letter is to Cock wondering why you are a much less offensive term than Cunt.  I call someone a cock- and I am probably meaning they are a bit of an idiot, a fool, bloody annoying but probably ultimately forgiveable.

I call someone a Cunt (which I virtually never ever do) and I mean they are the lowest of low, the evilest of evil, the scum of the earth.

Hmmm. I ponder further- are there any terms for the male genitals as offensive as the females?

Dickhead versus Twat. Twat wins

Purple Headed Yoghurt Squirter versus Hairy Axe Wound- then Hairy Axe Wound wins (ok ok so I have never actually heard anyone use either of these as insults but as sexual body part names go they are top of my bizarre list :))

I think I am getting fed up of the gendered insult terms and that basically the female terms are always so much more offensive than the men’s, unless of course you add in the element of homophobia- cocksucker being more offensive than plain cock for example which may be more offensive than calling someone a pussy?

It’s just starting to make me cross, and I don’t buy the bullshit about reclaiming the words to make them less offensive, because only a minority of people ever try the reclaiming crap- the majority will still find the words offensive and therefore even attempting such is utterly pointless.

Personally as really cross insults or swearing goes, I prefer the gender free “Arsehole”, or just a really venomous “fuck off” or “fuck you” (which when you ponder further about it- fucking them is the very last thing you want to be doing so as insults go is it not a pretty stupid one?)

In fact why are so many of the much more offensive insults and swearwords related to sex, sexuality or sexual parts? When let’s face it we are all here because of sex unless you were an IVF baby,  and the majority of people in the world are going to be shagging at various points in their lives, so why all this sex and gender shaming crap?

In maybe I need to develop a lexicon of politically correct insults and swearwords, in fact Dear Cock, I think I shall wander off and do that instead of blathering at you any further.

Have a nice day.

Lots of Love and Kisses 😉


Dear Pink

Dear Pink,
You are the colour of cooked ham and raw chicken,
Of sunsets and strawberry ice-cream,
Of expressed breast milk from a breast with a bleeding nipple crack.
Of flamingos, fromage frais, body parts and biscuit wafers.

You can even be the colour of a London pigeon:

But for pityinpinks sake you are not the only colour my little girls can or should wear, so be vanquished you girls clothes retailers with your rail upon rail of insipid pink frilliness.

Pale pink as a colour you scream at me – weak feeble bland mild boring generic and stereotypical, and my girls are none of those things, my girls are fearless adventurers, loud, excitable, fun and giggles- they need bright bold hardwearing colours of awesome to reflect that.

Not you.

You should be banned, or at the very least as rare as a pink pigeon of any gender.

From LadyThePinkistCurd

Dear Oddler and Omble- for International Woman’s Day

To my beautiful darling girls,

To my eldest you are 25 months old and growing up, everyday you learn something new and I am completely in awe of how you are developing.  To my youngest- you are just 8weeks old and just losing the froggy newborn look and you are adorable!  I love that every day we all make each other smile.

As your mum I want to cherish you both, protect you and help you grow up into a strong independent women with a good secure self esteem.  I want to teach you that you don’t have to wear makeup or be thin or wear heels to be a “successful” woman. I want you to understand that you can be anyone you want to be and your gender should never ever be a barrier to that but sometimes unfortunately society doesn’t always agree, but that you can and should always fight for equality.

I want to teach you to love your body and all it can do. I don’t ever want you to have issues with your weight or body image but I know unfortunately society can and will impinge on how you feel about yourself but I will do my utmost to help you be aware of the dangers of that and to navigate through those feelings.  I hope having a mother who never wears makeup, dresses like a complete scruff and couldn’t give a flying fuck about her pot belly (that proudly grew the both of you!) will help, but I will probably just completely embarrass you for looking like that- I know my own mother (who was similar) did for me when I was growing up!

When you are old enough  I will probably talk to you about the difference between a vulva and a vagina, what the clitoris is, the difference in vaginal secretions at different times of the month so you don’t confuse what is a natural state with thrush or bacterial vaginosis etc. I will also probably teach you about the mooncup as a much better alternative to tampons or pads. This is just basic female biology but it scares me how many women I know are not comfortable with their own body parts, or properly aware of how their body works.  I think it is so important you learn these things and sadly I know you are unlikely to learn them at school.

I also hope that you will get the messages that female sexuality is as valid as male sexuality- your pleasure is equally as important and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation etc.  But I am also aware that in some of these messages I want to give you – as your mother I can have an opposing effect on the message just because of dynamics in mother/daughter relationships so I will need to think carefully about some of these things! My own mother could be a little too frank at times!

I worry about you both greatly too.  You will be growing up in a more sexualised world than I remember  growing up in and I don’t know that I am going to be able to protect you from the boy at school groping you at breaktime for a laugh, or the girls laughing at the size of your breasts, or the group who might taunt you for how you look. I worry that you may get pressured into having sex before you are ready, or watch things on the internet that you are not ready to understand.  I’m scared that as a teenager you may get pressurised into drinking too much or take drugs and end up doing something you regret under the influence of them.  But then I also know that I had some of those experiences as a teenager and it also shaped me into the person I am now and while I regret some of my actions I probably wouldn’t be working in the field I do now in a job I absolutely adore  if it wasn’t for them.  I guess the main thing is I teach you both to understand and respect your own limits and teach you how and where to get help if you need it for any situation you find yourself in.

I also hope to be there for you as you navigate your love life- relationships are hard as a teenager (and as an adult too! in fact they can be just as hard but also wonderful!)- all that “will they call?, when should I phone them back?- I don’t want to seem to keen etc etc”.  I can honestly say I was a complete relationship disaster zone until I met your dad- and we just worked (and I really hope that by the time you are reading this we are still working!) .  And if I were to pass on anything I have learned about relationships it would be to be yourself 100% of the time.  Don’t pretend to be someone you are not to try and make them love you.  It won’t work and it just means they are not the person for you.  Likewise don’t try and change someone else into someone you want them to be.  The person for you is out there (and there may be more than one person- I’m not sure I believe in the notion of “the one”) and whoever that person is- so long as they are treating my girls right then I will welcome them into our family.  I hope I will teach you to stand up and not tolerate to any emotional or physical abuse from a partner-  that was one of the most valuable messages your grandfather (who died recently) ever taught me.

I hope you will know that you can always come to me and your dad for help with anything and we will support you with your choices, although I think like most parents we hope you make choices in keeping with our own family values but even if you don’t we will work though it because we love you and ultimately want you to be happy.

Always know that me and your Dad love you so very much and you mean the world to us and we can’t wait to see the women you will become (but please don’t grow up too fast- not least because we can’t afford the clothing  and shoes!)

Lots of love

Your loving MummyCurd.

Dear SpiderPoliceDelBoyOddler

Dear SpiderPoliceDelBoyOddler,

Never let anyone tell you you can’t dress like that/or do that because you are a girl.
Lots of love