Tag Archives: Tongue Tie

Dear Tongue

Dear Tongue,

I am writing with a complaint about a serious design flaw in your ubiquitous and essential product. I have been extremely disappointed by this flaw that has occurred twice now. this is simply unacceptable.

The flaw is “Tongue tie” – where as you very well know the base of the Tongue fixes to the base of the mouth more than it should. This can cause difficulties in feeding and when the time comes- speaking. Annoyingly there are different levels of this flaw the most annoying being the posterior tie as it is the hardest to detect and fix.

Both my daughters had your product complete with the posterior tie fault. The consequences of this fault being inability to breastfeed properly, poor weight gain resulting in bottle top ups and extreme pumping regimes, and completely shredded agonising cracked and bleeding nipples in me their mum.

The only solution to this fault (which incidentally I am appalled your company has made no effort to fix at source) is to get a trained medical professional take a sharp pair of surgical scissors to the offending tie and snip it. Without anaesthetic (if a young enough baby). However finding such a professional and getting it treated within a reasonable time is very difficult and dependent entirely on area. For daughter1 it took 7weeks for daughter2 we were prepared and asked for a check the day she was born – but your company in the meantime has got better at hiding the flaw and she was cleared until 3weeks were it was properly diagnosed as a posterior tie and snipped.

The underhand behaviour of you company with regards to newborn babies is appalling. I am writing to you to demand compensation for all the pain and distress caused by your faulty product, and to ask you sort this out once and for all as too many babies and their mothers are suffering from this fault.

I suspect you lack the means for financial compensation but suspect we can come to a mutually agreeable arrangement in the form of that essential for breastfeeding mothers- cake. A lifetime supply of Jamaican Ginger cake for me &my girls should do it. Otherwise I’m going to the press. And Watchdog.

You have been warned.

Yours Sincerely


Dear Right Nipple

Dear Right Nipple,

Heal dam you heal! ¬†I know Omble has been using you like a doggy chew toy for the last 8weeks. I know you are deeply cracked and bleeding and hanging off by a thread, but you know I got Omble’s tongue tie snipped just for you and I know you are trying to heal and I know the scarily terrifying torture device¬†breastpump isn’t helping you either.

My latest breastpump hire- torture device

But please consider I got a weeks worth of fluconazole for you when we thought you had ductal thrush, I have been rubbing in lasinoh/kamillosan/daktarin like it’s lube at a swingers party and seriously now is the time to stop hurting your owner and let her get on with the job of feeding Omble Curd. Oh and tomorrow Omble’s tongue tie is being reassessed so maybe if they can improve it further she won’t click on you like she is being an offensive teenager complaining about anything and everything.

So um yeah- just heal. Please.

Lots of love and kisses.

Lady Curd