Dear Childbirth PTSD


Dear Childbirth PTSD,

Gotta be honest, bit miffed you are still with me 5.5years after giving birth for the first time, but hey we did a lot of processing second time around and came to the agreement you would hide in the recesses of my brain pretty much dealt with and forgotten about, because my second birth was magic and you were almost defeated as a result.

But you are cunning, you bide your time, and even in the early stages of pregnancy with number 3 you weren’t showing your true colours. You disguised yourself as anxiety and avoidance- until the 12 week scan the baby might not even be there so not even thinking about the birth. Until the 20 week scan- the baby might not make it or have issues that would mean we would have to make the devastating decision to terminate the pregnancy. In fact until 20 weeks I was just pregnant (?) the question mark meant there wasn’t definitely going to be a baby that needing birthing at the end so I stayed in anxious overthinking denial.

Then you started to creep back, first it was the realisation I cannot listen to birth stories in my pregnancy yoga class (sucessfully avoided), then it was the “I’m fine I’m fine but I can’t talk about my first birth”, then the intrusive thoughts kept popping up unnanounced, small flashbacks to what had happened before, not as bad as my second pregnancy but still unwanted.

But I’ve dealt with you once so you are a shadow of what you were before and I shall beat you down again, this time I know exactly what help I need and how to get it and everything is in place for me to have a positive birth experience third time too, and even if things don’t quite go to plan I know how to work this shit through. I’m also blogging everything through again which as always helps me process and eliminate you from my brain.

Also this is likely to be my last ever pregnancy (6times now- my womb has had enough!) so the closure from knowing I never have to give birth again will hopefully put you back in your box  for good.

We are almost done.

Goodbye.

LadyC

P.S This post was inspired by my awesome friend @PookyH’s blogpost writing to her own demons and the powerful way she is writing through her current journey reminded me how writing helped me last time and will again.xxx

Dear Midwife with a Halo,


Dear Midwife with a Halo,

You won’t remember me, you only met me for 10 minutes in my traumatic labour with my first child that went on to give me childbirth PTSD which has affected me ever since, but you have had such a profound impact on my recall of my birth experience that I wanted you to know that in my head you will always be “midwife with a halo” and I know that had I had you as my midwife, my birth experience would have been very different indeed.

We were on our own in a busy london hospital awaiting an epidural, I was screaming, in agony, very very frightened and feeling the urge to push, we desperately needed help and then you came in. You had blonde hair (your halo), you held my hand and stroked my arm and checked things that needed to be checked, you reassured me it wasn’t time to push yet, I had a little way to go but that I’d be okay.  I begged you to stay with me but you couldn’t because you had left the lady you were with to deal with me (why was my own midwife not there?), and you had to get back to her, you were so apologetic and kind.

I swear in the few minutes you were with me, my pain lessened, I felt calmer and more in control, you were fantastic and even though the birth went completely to shit after you left (not something I blame you for at all, you rightly had your own patient to deal with and shouldn’t have even been with me as an extra!), I still remember you so so fondly and think what a fabulous midwife you must be and how women are so lucky to recieve your care.

To all other midwifes I want to remind you of your power, your power to calm and soothe a woman in deep distress and pain.  Touching and stroking, kind words all can have such a deep and long lasting impact on a birth experience, never forget that. These skills give you a halo.

Love LadyC who is 32 weeks pregnant with number 3 and hoping for a Midwife with a Halo this time for the duration!

Dear Parent, 101 things to do with your kids in the summer holidays.


Dear Parent,

Well me really. This is actually a letter to myself to try and remember there are so many cool things I can do with my darling offspring in the summer holidays and sometimes the default of watching Frozen for the umpteenth time isn’t groovy. So I thought I would come up with a list of 101 things to do and try and do 2 of them each day with my squiglets. Mine are 4 and 2 so some things may only be suited to this age range but hope it gives you an idea!

#1 Bake some cakes

#2 Play in the garden with trikes etc

#3 Gardening- Water the garden, plant seeds, dead head the flowers

#4 Play doh

#5 Necklace making with the bead sets

#6 Tap tap art

#7 Mess free painting (squirt diff colours paint in the conrers of a ziplock bag and zip up get kids to merge the paints- keep an eye on the ziplock and should be no mess to clear up after!)

#8 Jigsaws

#9 Trip to the park

#10 Trip to a pals for a playdate

#11 make and have a picnic lunch

#12 Fruit picking

#13 trip to the zoo/safari park

#14 Making dens

#15 Making music

#16 dancing round the room like a loon

#17 role play with dollies

#18 role play with dolls house

#19 tents in the garden

#20 home cinema with frozen and popcorn

#21 making ice lollies

#22 crafting

#23 reading

#24 putting on a show

#25 the rolling off the sofa onto the beanbag game

#26 make an obstacle course

#27 treasure hunt

#28 dressing up

#29 playing catch with a ball

#30 races

#31 crafting

#32 duplo

#33 dinosaur hunt (hide all the toy dinosaurs in the garden)

#34 water fight with waterbombs or water pistols

#35 making paper aeroplans

#36 paddling pool

#37 Stomp rocket 

#38 go on a train ride to next city for a mooch

#39 wrapping up presents (old toys) and giving them to each other.

#40 having a teddy bears tea party with mini food

#41 going for a bike ride or scoot

#42 go and see friends baby/cats/rabbits for a coo over them.

#43 freeze small toys in a bag of ice and work out how to free them.

#44 shaving foam on trays with cars

#45 chalk and the pavement/patio

#46 sandpit

#47 themed days eg. pirates, fairies, dinosaurs- kids plan how they want the theme to go (dressing up, talk like a pirate, pirate picnic etc) and do those activities.

#48 play dominos

#49 play guess who

#50 play pop up pirate

#51 make up your own board game

#52 make maracas out of bottles and pasta or lentils

#53 go for a nature walk with a list of things to find

#54 go and feed the ducks

#55 go to the local pub where there is a bouncy castle!

#56 make pancakes

#57 make a stock of birthday cards

#58 sort through and talk through old photos with the kids and help them make their own photo album.

#59 play sleeping lions

#60 play hide and seek

#61 go to a friends who has a trampoline for a bounce

#62 make mud pies

#63 make up a story together whilst going on a walk

#64 take videos of us doing fun stuff for posterity

#65 go swimming

#66 go to soft play

#67 choose one thing to spend pocket money on and buy it and keep change.

#68 face painting

#69 pick flowers

#70 cutting and sticking

#71 mr potato head

#72 have a sleepover

#73 camp in the back garden

#74 finger painting

#75 aquadoodle

#76 ipad time (heck I got to 76 things before I mentioned this one!)

#77 buy things ready for school and preschool and get everything ready

#78 choose the fruit for a fruit salad and make it.

#79 plan the meals for a week and help make them

#80 learn how to tidy up

#81 practice quiet time with lying down with eyes closed and nice music on

#82 blow bubbles

#83 put play glasses on and talk in silly voices all day

#84 draw pictures on the computer and print them out

#85 go and visit relatives

#86 use the play kitchen to make a feast for the polly pockets

#87 go for a drive with the windows down and sunny music playing

#88 go to waitrose for your free coffee and let the kids share a cookie.

#89 go on a bug hunt

#90 hide sweets and play warmer colder….

#91 play snap

#92 play strip jack naked 

#93 play whats the time mr wolf

#94 play hopscotch

#95 play with balloons

#96 play hairdressers or make up artists

#97 practice hopping, skipping and jumping

#98 have a frozen sing song- LET IT GO!

#99 make flags or bunting to decorate the garden

#100 have a role play with finger puppets or other puppets.

#101 ignore your kids completely and let them sodding amuse themselves  because you are now completely bloody knackered.

 

Dear Men who bring up MGM whenever FGM is mentioned.


Dear Men who bring up MGM whenever FGM is mentioned.

Public service announcement. If you are male and comment on a post about FGM (female genital mutilation) with a “but what about male circumcision- MGM?- that needs to be addressed too”.

Stop, think and SHUT THE FUCK UP. I disagree with all forms of genital mutilation in children (the non-consensual aspect is unacceptable) but the constant but what about teh menz” to this issue pisses me right off. Stop fucking sidelining and derailing. Male circumcision (removing a foreskin) is not in any way comparable to removing a clitoris and sewing up a woman’s vulva (the most serious form of FGM), the outcomes and after effects are completely different.

The constant derailing of the discussion into a mans issue is offensive, derailing and hinders the work to eradicate FGM. It makes you a misogynistic prick if you do it. You don’t care about women’s bodies being mutilated and their sexual function being obliterated you only care about the collective male penis and a slight reduction in sensitivity on removal of the foreskin, where sexual function is unlikely to be affected and in fact you may end up with a reduced risk of HIV.   Just not comparable, so don’t fucking try.

 

Don’t compare, don’t conflate, don’t derail and stop trying to make it all about you and your sodding penis- male fucking dominance is how fucking abhorrent practices like this exist in the first place.

Fucking patriachy.

Here endeth me going feisty feminist on a wedsnesday afternoon.

Yours angrily

LadyC

Dear Dad


Dear Dad,

You were supposed to live forever.

Missing you.

DaughterCurd

Dear Elfie, I’m not sure this is working out….


The first thing Oddler said when she saw you up on the shelf tonight was:
“Has mummy been a good girl?”
You apparently replied no, and now Oddler tells me that Barbara Christmas won’t give me any presents.

I’m fairly sure I invited you to have some fun with the kids, but erm not at my expense.

Love
Ladycurd the proud mother of a 3year old that is a lot smarter than she is.

P.S please tell Barbara I’m now on my best behaviour.

Dear Elfie, about the chocolate


Dear Elfie,
The plan was you taking the fall for the chocolate eating. Was NOT impressed when the first thing Oddler said on seeing you this morning was “oh no Elfie wanted chocolate but Mummy ate them all!”

Come on work with me here.
Love LadyCurd

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