Dear Glass Of Wine,

Dear Glass Of Wine,

With each sip you are going to erase my bad day.

• Sip One: Lord Curd abandoning me for the weekend leaving me with the two tinies
• Sip Two: Omble feeding through the night or going max 2 hours between feeds, and Oddler getting up bright and early at 7am. *knackered face*
• Sip Three: Being organised and getting Oddler dressed before going downstairs for breakfast only for her to upturn her cereal all over her clean clothes.
• Sip Four: The four breakfast tantrums for getting things wrong as Daddy normally does breakfast with her and I hadn’t a clue. (She has to butter her own toast, she has to be offered squares or triangles for her toast to be cut into etc etc.)
• Sip Five: Oddler complaining slightly when she wees again but refusing to drink so battling with her to drink something/anything before meeting a friend at the park.
• Sip six: Trekking all the way to the park only for Oddler to be unusually clingy not want to play on anything then start crying when she wees, and was weeing every few minutes (although for her she announces “ow ow I did a poo I did a poo, ow” (she is still working out bodily functions!)
• Sip Seven: decide to trek to the NHS walk in centre to get her checked out as is likely she has a UTI, although it is further away from home and is likely both girls are about to go into overtired hungry meltdowns
• Sip Eight: am given a sticky plastic bag to fasten to Oddler to get a urine sample. Go to babychange to do this and discover I had NO NAPPIES and typically as Oddler had finally drunk enough her nappy was already leaking through.
• Sip Nine: have to trek to Sainsbury’s to buy nappies (and some food as hadn’t anticipated being that long, so had no food with me).
• Sip Ten: Trek back to doctors put clean nappy on Oddler and wait to be called whilst trying to encourage now overtired hungry toddler to eat and drink, and breastfeed the baby.
• Sip Eleven: Oddler has not obliged us with a urine sample so am told to get sample at home. Get prescription for antibiotics and trek back to Sainsbury’s to get the prescription, which is a 10 minute wait.
• Sip Twelve: Oddler has a tantrum in Sainsbury’s as she wants to get down and walk (no chance I don’t have energy or inclination to chase her).
• Sip Thirteen: It starts to piss it down with rain, I have no coat and Omble is breastfeeding in the Karri Me, could put her in double buggy but decide she should stay dry enough wrapped up. Put raincover on Oddler which results in mother of all screaming meltdowns and her trying to pull it off, with me trying to steer buggy and keep it on so she stays dry, resulting in me frequently accidentally hitting the brake and bringing the buggy to an abrupt stop. I get soaked, the girls stay dry.
• Sip Fourteen: Halfway home it has stopped raining but Oddler desperately needs distracting from further meltdowns, so I turn into one of those mothers who I used to laugh at for thinking “what obnoxious pushy parents” as I desperately go “point at the leaf” “point at the plane” “where is the doggy” ” how many cyclists” and anything else in view to keep her busy and not screaming at me. I get it now!
• Sip Fifteen: Oddler still crying when she wee’s, get the plastic urine sample bag which has barely any wee in it and try and transfer to the sample bottle. Get covered in wee.
• Sip Sixteen: Water down Oddler’s soup a little to increase fluids. Realise how stupid it is to give very very liquid food to a toddler. Who is now covered in soup.
• Sip Seventeen: Realise I have been so preoccupied in getting the toddler to drink, I have forgotten to drink myself. With breasfeeding this means, cystitisy feeling for me/dehydration headache imminent. Drink.
• Sip Seventeen: Discover have lost the iPod with all the toddler games on it (as mean mean LordCurd took the iPad with him for weekend), search high and low but don’t locate it until bedtime, missing out on hours of toddler containment activities- thankfully she naps.
• Sip eighteen: all the other minor niggles til bedtime and both girls asleep.

In fact that is probably a couple of glasses. In fact sod it- I need another Mummy’s juice box. Someone pass me a straw.

Mummy's juice box. (Keeps fresh for 10days too which is as long as it lasted in this house 😉 )

Lots of *Hic* Love

LadyNotAnAlcoholicReallyButProbablyNeedsToStopLettingTheKidsDriveMeToDrinkCurd

Dear Tantrumming Toddler

Dear Darling Tantrumming Toddler,
Before I became a mum I used to see other parents of you and judge them for ignoring and neglecting you and feel so sorry for the poor little screaming wailing kicking biting pinching ball of snotty fury.

And then I acquired one of my own. Now I get it. There is no reasoning with you, there is no point trying to pander to you/give in to you (you’ll thank me for that one day), I will do my best to distract you out of it before one starts and will always make sure you are safe while having one. But then my lovely angry ball of snotty fury I am just going to leave you to get on with it and once it’s over we will go back to sunshine and cuddles.

Oh but I might have to take a pic or two to embarrass you when you are older.

Your loving MummyCurd
xxx