Dear Mad Seagull Lady,
We know you hate Seagulls but I think it is a touch paranoid to think your daughter has been possessed by them.
She was only pretending a banana skin was a seagull, it actually shows clever imaginative play rather than possession.
Keep on hating the seagulls though, just try and be less paranoid.
I’m not usually one to vent forth with bile and vitriol but for you I will make an exception.
You are a hateful creature, you never think of anyone but yourself. You don’t care that you turn me into #madseagulllady, you don’t care you deprive me of extremely precious sleep by squawking all hours from your vantage point nest on the roof opposite. You shit all over my car you filthy disgusting scavenger. You rip up my bin bags and litter my street you lazy good for nothing piece of scum.
You are a cruel and evil aberration of nature and I hate you with a passion that will never leave until you fuck off south again for the winter*
I HATE YOU
*counts down days til they leave again and I can be calm and sleep once more.