Dear Blog Journey

Dear Blog Journey

Tonight I am pondering where you are taking me now. What amuses me is this letter is pretty much one that most blogs I ever read also include at some point or another! ARGH!

There must be a blogging journey with an obligatory checklist:

• write a really boring post you are embarrassed to publish but you can’t think of anything else to say, and you HAVE to say something in case you lose people’s interest.
• write a post that unexpectedly goes a bit viral but you are not entirely sure why as it isn’t nearly as good as that other one. The one you wish that one had gone a bit viral, that one is cool, even if no-one else cares.
• write a post that you later regret and then have a big debate about deleting or rewriting or leaving it as it is.
• write a post that overshares but check first with other people it mentions. They aren’t happy so you then have a debate about pressing publish, because you don’t want to upset anyone but you also thought it was funny/important and you really want to share it.
• write a post that makes you feel like a sellout whoring yourself for your blogstats but try and convince yourself you are better than that and your post is somehow different because you don’t do XY or Z like other some bloggers do.
• write a post that passively aggressively digs at someone else who you know reads your blog even if they are probably too thick to pick up its ABOUT THEM you.
• What other ones have I missed off? What Happens next?

So dear blog, lots of things to think about. I started you because I was missing someone I wrote to a lot everyday, it filled a hole, it also helped me massively dealing with my grief at losing my dad. I love having a space to rant about issues that are important to me, and to just rant whilst on maternity leave loving my kids but bored out of my brain. A space to share the funny things in my life and how I see the world.

Where do I want this blog to go? Am I a Mummy Blogger? I doubt it will ever win a “mummy blogging” award or the Orwell Prize 😉 because it’s probably not “mummy bloggy” enough. (Well I talk about my kids a lot- but apart from that I blog instead of paying them any attention and my boiled egg recipe was a fucking disaster. Oh and I say fucking a lot- instead of like you know censoring myself so I can keep in with the head honchos of the said mummy blogging awards. Oh and I sometimes talk about about Abortion and important stuff. Apparently head honchos at mummy bloggers central don’t like that. It’s controversial or something. (This is only going on fact not one of them RT’d this letter which I was genuinely surprised at- having RT’d others and I naively thought a impassioned plea to celebrate being a “Pro choice Mummy” post might be interesting to other mums. Nope, but who the heck do I think I am? Anne Widecome? Although having said all that this blog was once proudly Mumsnet Blog of the week so maybe I should embrace it! )

I guess really just want a space to record my life and my thoughts in a way that is more interactive and fun than a diary. I really don’t ever want to earn money from my blog from advertising or sponsored posts as its just not really me, but then who knows if I got offered a cool new thrush treatment or something then it might be rude not too! ;). I guess if I am honest, I, like every other blogger, want some publisher or other to read my blog and go “wow you have a way with words- lets commission you to write a book!”. I have already had professional work published nationally (and as a result I now know the Welsh for anal sex- don’t ask! and yes I am showing off- about the publishing not about knowing the Welsh for anal sex- although the latter knowledge is great for dinner parties or something*) and a few other options are coming up but I really want to write funny entertaining stuff not work stuff (although I do love my job and writing about it). Sadly if I am totally honest I probably don’t have the talent for fiction writing, rereading my attempt for Nanowrimo, it needs ALOT of work and even then it is complete chicklit. I am a snob- I never want a book published in an insipid pastel shade with a skinny cartoon woman striding along in heels with matching handbag. Sigh.

So I guess I just want to keep rambling on in my letters to anyone and everything, but I have got a bit stuck on one of the above points in my blogging journey, and whilst pondering how to navigate myself though it, the maxim is to write about it right?

Done.

Love

LadyBloggingCurd

P.S I needn’t really have written this post- could have just copied and pasted one of the million near identical ponderances in every blog more than a couple of months old. Sorry to be so boring. Sigh.

P.P.S *not THAT kind of dinner party!

Dear Sex Positive Parenting

Dear Sex Positive Parenting,

So Yesterday writing Dear Slut, I realised that “Sex Positive Parenting” is something I want to do for my kids, and it is something I have written a lot about (here, here, here and here and I have many more draft letters that need finishing off and publishing) .  I realised that there are lots of parents (many of whom are blogging friends) who are also trying to do the same.

I thought wouldn’t it be brilliant if we could set up some kind of collaborative sex positive parenting blog where we could all share experiences of all the different aspects of being a sex positive parent- share the positivity, the pitfalls, the unexpected.  I thought this would be a resource that I would want to read and to learn from but there isn’t really anything like that out there- just lots of one off blog posts about sex positive parenting, so um I set one up and it’s here:

http://sexpositiveparenting.wordpress.com/

We already have 10 contributors but I want more!  It’s early days and the name probably needed more thought (too late now- soz!), and I still have a lot to learn about collaborative blogging (I can’t change my avatar on the blog for a start- grrrr!) but I hope that over time this blog will grow as people share their ideas, their experiences, their knowledge and learning.

So if you haven’t already- please check out the blog and please join us an contribute.

Lots of love

LadySexPositiveParentCurd

Dear Blogging Parental Guilt

Dear Blogging Parental Guilt,

I am often feeling a smidge of parental guilt about this blog, I mean I’d much rather write/tweet about how much I love am annoyed by my kids, than actually show how much I love them by, you know, actually paying them attention and whatnot.

Today my blogging parental guilt reached a new low.  I have been sorting out the tags on my blog, and I couldn’t work out if the “Toddler”  in the Tag cloud was smaller than the “Baby” in the Tag Cloud.  My overthinking brain thought I love my kids equally, my blog must reflect that, otherwise what will people think!

Um. no-one else would have noticed

So is that a new low for blogging parental guilt?

Letter Writing Love

LadyBlogsAndThinksTooMuchAndShouldProbablyJustGetOnAnd
ParentHerKidsInsteadCurd

Dear FOMO

Dear FOMO or Fear of Missing Out,

The world will not end if you don’t read and respond to your twitter timeline in its entire 24/7 glory every day. Likewise you do not have to check your emails more than once or twice a day or check your facebook, mumsnet threads or blog comments more than every so often. They are really not going anywhere and seriously your ultimate priority needs to be sleep and your kids right now not this terrible FOMO you have.

Sort. It. Out. and stop pressing refresh like a complete sad and pathetic loser

Yours concernedly

LadyAfraidCurd

Dear Internet, I’m leaving you

Dear Internet,

After I wrote this letter about how your popularity makes me feel I have decided that I’m leaving you. I loved you once but you changed.

There is no-one else unless you count my addiction to crap TV, it’s just our relationship isn’t what it used to be, and to be quite honest the sex has gotten terribly dull.

It’s probably you and not me, I just need some space and other cliches.

Maybe one day in the future we can be friends. You can have the kids, I’ll keep Curd Hall. Think that’s a fair deal.

Goodbye

Your former lover

LadyLiarCurd

P.S Presses publish on this letter before 12pm on today’s date.

Dear Internet Popularity

Dear Internet Popularity,

Pre facebook, twitter and blog stats etc, there wasn’t really a quantifiable way to measure your popularity. I mean sure you could have conducted surveys amongst your friends, and spent hours analysing the results but we both know that would have ultimately caused your
popularity stock to fall, (and you be written off as some kind of desperately needy weirdo!) but now thanks to the Internet we have endless ways to measure how popular we are- I think there is even something called Klout which measures your Internet clout rating. Seriously!?

I suspect dear Internet popularity you are like a drug, a hit of an RT, a decent blogpost stat, someone #ff’s you and you get such a buzz that you crave more and more.

Certainly found that this week with this blog getting named Mumsnet Blog Of The Week, a letter of mine getting some major RT’s and being read by over a thousand people and suddenly people are reading my rambling letters and enjoying them, and I’m starting to feel that buzz of addiction. To be quite honest this scares me.

I have several blog and twitter accounts, some professional some
personal which I have messed about with alot in the past year. Until recently I had a locked account where I blocked 90% of my followers to leave me with a happy safe bunch of trusted follower friends, but annoyingly twitter won’t let you interact with other people outside
your locked account and this can get frustrating when interesting things are being discussed, so I now have another public account which I am mostly rambling from now as well as starting this blog.

But already I’m worrying a bit about how it makes me feel- it sometimes can seem so calculating, I don’t want to be writing outrageous things just to boost my blog stats or follower numbers, I just want to write down the rambly stuff in my head and have a giggle and maybe save my sanity while doing it (my twitter feed is mostly rambling about the lack of sleep or how Omble is a boobmonster! – I even bore myself.)

I didn’t have this sense of trepidation about my locked twitter account- that was genuinely fun and friendship even if you did have to miss out on some
of the cool discussions. Didn’t feel like this about my old personal blog as it was a niche issue and a journey of healing for me, so I couldn’t give a fuck who read it but I was really pleased when it seemed to help some people who had gone through similar, likewise my professional blog is pretty niche but that has really helped me get work (and I adore my work so blogging there is a none issue) but for some reason this blog and my unlocked twitter is different.

I don’t want it to be different. I started this blog because I genuinely love writing letters to people and I recently lost someone I wrote to an awful lot so this was kinda started to fill that void, but already I can feel myself getting a bit antsy about my Internet popularity now I have re-emerged with a public account (popularity currently marginally above a recently appeared spambot 🙂 )

I love writing but I don’t think I am particularly good at it, there are far far more talented writers out there writing far superior blogs about things that really matter. I write the way I think and speak so it’s usually a stream of consciousness drivel, but the thing is some people are enjoying what I write (thankyou!) and it’s such a lovely self esteem confidence boost that I am already starting to feel a bit addicted to that buzz.

And that really scares me, after all if you start to measure your sense of self worth and “popularity” via your (lovely) twitter followers and blog stats instead of your real world life, then what does that say about you? It worries me how easily the Internet can become your “real world” and then what happens to your actual real world life?

But then I’m a stuck at home mum of two (thanks to chicken pox), who is bored out of my brain
a lot of the time (only so much cbeebies a woman can take) and the Internet offers an escape, a chance to connect with people going through similar, a chance to engage with brilliant funny adults without getting dressed or brushing your hair.

So I don’t know what to do for the best?
A) Make more effort with the real world and step back from the net?
B) Continue with my rambly nonsense letters but make sure I write them
for me not my “Klout”, or
C) just go hell for leather with the self promotion shit but ultimately end up feeling shit and rejected that I am still only marginally more popular than a spambot who happens to have a picture of their breasts or arse as an avatar? 🙂

I think A or B are the best options but I have a horrible feeling the addiction to the buzz of Internet popularity means C maybe a route I end up falling down when I really really don’t want to be that person.

What do you advise I do for the best?

*steps away from the Internet for about 5 minutes til I get sucked back in while I consider my options*

Love LadyCurd

P.S and now I have the dilemma of whether to publish this blasted letter via twitter or not! (never Facebook- as if I want my RL friends to know my innermost thoughts!? that’s a privilege solely reserved for strangers from the interweb 😉 )

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

Yesterday you were one month old and on that day made Mumsnet Blogger of the Week which was a lovely 1/12th of a year old birthday present (but don’t push it for a pressie every month- no-one likes a greedy blog.)

I’m pretty proud of you and I am having a lot of fun with you at the minute. You are definitely helping keep me sane whilst I navigate life trying to balance Oddler the Toddler, Omble the almost 3month Old, Lord Curd the Grumpy Sleep Deprived, supporting my bereaved mum and bro,  do my awesome amazing job as awesomely and amazingly as I can, and dealing with the SHIT that keeps getting thrown at me I think I must have been Satan in a past life and this is karma biting me on the arse or something  (the latest being Oddler’s Chicken Pox).

This will be my 74th Letter- meaning I clearly write 2.39 letters a day (yikes!) not sure I will be keeping up that pace as Omble stops living on the boob and Oddler stops napping but for the minute I enjoy typing away as Omble feeds and Oddler sleeps.

My top 5 favourite letters in the last month are

a) Dear International Spy Dad

b) Dear Fungus The Bogeyman

c) Dear ASBO Baby

d) Dear Very Very Out Of Date Purple Condom

e) Dear Oddler and Omble- for International Woman’s Day

Those aren’t the favourites of the readers  but sod yer I’m not doing it for you. Or am I?

Lots of Love

Lady Mostly Maintaining Sanity Curd

Dear Mumsnet Bloggers HQ

Dear Mumsnet Bloggers HQ,

Mum told me yu haff two rite thankyu letters straite away wen yu get a present. She’s very strickt about it.

So hear is my letter- thankyu very mutch for makeing my blog Mumsnet Blog Of The Week”
I am dead chuffed and very eggsited and probbabbly wont sleep twonite as I plot more evil letters, so Mum says thanks. She finks I neeed moor sleep coz my dolly Omble keeps me up all nite.

Lots of love and gumdrops

Lady Over Excited Little Girl with shocking spelling that her mother needs to sort out Curd

P.S This is bettre than getting my yello brade in swimmin but not as gud as wen Daffyd in class 2 said he wanted to be my boyfrend.